Group Helps Smooth a Rough Road

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By Donna Furey | LB Indy

Finding a way forward after the loss of a loved one can be frightening and painful. When Sandra Montag found herself negotiating this daunting path a friend recommended the grief group held annually at Laguna Presbyterian Church. Though not a church member, she decided give it a try.

 By Donna Furey | LB Indy Finding a way forward after the loss of a loved one can be frightening and painful. When Sandra Montag found herself negotiating this daunting path a friend recommended the grief group held annually at Laguna Presbyterian Church. Though not a church member, she decided give it a try. The support group meets for six consecutive weeks, this year from April 4 to May 9, led by locals Rev. Jon Moore and Deborah Sakach. The only cost is the purchase price of the text “Good Grief,” published 50 years ago and written by Granger E. Westberg, a Lutheran clergyman and professor who died in 1999. “You don’t have to be a church member or even a Christian to come to the group,” said Moore. Westberg is known for creating the parish nurse program, now an international movement called faith community nursing. He was a pioneer in exploring and encouraging the interrelationship of religion and medicine and is known for promoting holistic health care. While working with patients in the emergency room and the intensive care unit as a hospital chaplain during his pastoral training, Moore was struck by the need for bereavement care. “People are in a state of shock,” he said. Montag, a Laguna local lost her husband of 42 years shortly after she retired. While she recognizes that grieving is a personal process, she said, “a group helps pull one out of solitude and provides a weekly focus.” For her “it was helpful to be with others who’d suffered a loss.” “Good Grief’’ lays weekly exercises for its readers. The 10 stages of grief -- shock, emotion, depression, physical distress, panic, guilt, anger, resistance, hope, and acceptance -- are identified, but the book acknowledges that there is no "right" way to grieve. Insights on the emotional and physical responses one may experience during grieving process are also offered. “Some people do the exercises, some don’t,” said Moore. Some come to the group meetings and say nothing, and others are returning students, Montag said. When they’re faced with a loss, “sometimes people don’t know where to turn,” Montag added. Even so, there are many places that offer support for the grieving. These include churches such as Coast Hills Community in Aliso Viejo; South Shores and St. Edward the Confessor, both in Dana Point; St. Paul’s Greek Orthodox and Woodbridge Community, both in Irvine; and Christ Community of Laguna Hills. The Costa Mesa Senior Center and the Lakeview Senior Center in Irvine also offer grief support groups, as does the Jewish Family Services Center in Costa Mesa. In Laguna Hills, Hospice of Saddleback Valley hosts a grieving group and therapists Stephanie Kim and Sheila Diskin run support groups. Dr. Paul Depompo leads a group in Newport Beach. Hospitals also offer similar programs, such as three run by Hoag in Newport Beach. “Unfortunately, time doesn’t heal all wounds,” said Moore. Grieving is a “layered process,” he added, and if the grief is not processed, it will “come back and be magnified.” Over 13 years leading the group, Moore aims to help people toward a place where they can cope with grief because “it’s a part of life that happens to everyone.” For Montag, the grief group was “a journey that led me to become active in the church.” From the start, she liked the people she met and felt included in a community. The six-week journey ended with the result she hoped for. “I’ve moved on with my life,” she said. Church membership is not the group’s objective, Moore said. The intended outcome is helping people return to a joyful life. Photo: Bonnie Changstrom, a former grief group leader, with current leaders, Rev. Jon Moore and Deborah Sakach.

Bonnie Changstrom, a former grief group leader, with current leaders, Rev. Jon Moore and Deborah Sakach.

The support group meets for six consecutive weeks, this year from April 4 to May 9, led by locals Rev. Jon Moore and Deborah Sakach. The only cost is the purchase price of the text “Good Grief,” published 50 years ago and written by Granger E. Westberg, a Lutheran clergyman and professor who died in 1999. “You don’t have to be a church member or even a Christian to come to the group,” said Moore.

Westberg is known for creating the parish nurse program, now an international movement called faith community nursing. He was a pioneer in exploring and encouraging the interrelationship of religion and medicine and is known for promoting holistic health care.

While working with patients in the emergency room and the intensive care unit as a hospital chaplain during his pastoral training, Moore was struck by the need for bereavement care. “People are in a state of shock,” he said.

Montag, a Laguna local lost her husband of 42 years shortly after she retired. While she recognizes that grieving is a personal process, she said, “a group helps pull one out of solitude and provides a weekly focus.” For her “it was helpful to be with others who’d suffered a loss.”

“Good Grief’’ lays weekly exercises for its readers. The 10 stages of grief — shock, emotion, depression, physical distress, panic, guilt, anger, resistance, hope, and acceptance — are identified, but the book acknowledges that there is no “right” way to grieve. Insights on the emotional and physical responses one may experience during grieving process are also offered.

“Some people do the exercises, some don’t,” said Moore.

Some come to the group meetings and say nothing, and others are returning students, Montag said. When they’re faced with a loss, “sometimes people don’t know where to turn,” Montag added.

Even so, there are many places that offer support for the grieving. These include churches such as Coast Hills Community in Aliso Viejo; South Shores and St. Edward the Confessor, both in Dana Point; St. Paul’s Greek Orthodox and Woodbridge Community, both in Irvine; and Christ Community of Laguna Hills.

The Costa Mesa Senior Center and the Lakeview Senior Center in Irvine also offer grief support groups, as does the Jewish Family Services Center in Costa Mesa. In Laguna Hills, Hospice of Saddleback Valley hosts a grieving group and therapists Stephanie Kim and Sheila Diskin run support groups. Dr. Paul Depompo leads a group in Newport Beach.

Hospitals also offer similar programs, such as three run by Hoag in Newport Beach.

“Unfortunately, time doesn’t heal all wounds,” said Moore. Grieving is a “layered process,” he added, and if the grief is not processed, it will “come back and be magnified.”

Over 13 years leading the group, Moore aims to help people toward a place where they can cope with grief because “it’s a part of life that happens to everyone.”

For Montag, the grief group was “a journey that led me to become active in the church.” From the start, she liked the people she met and felt included in a community. The six-week journey ended with the result she hoped for. “I’ve moved on with my life,” she said.

Church membership is not the group’s objective, Moore said. The intended outcome is helping people return to a joyful life.

 

 

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