Guest Column

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Read The Personals

 

By Irene DeBasio
By Irene DeBasio

PARROT – Very talkative.  Bella is 11 years old – my treasure. Moving to assisted living facility where no pets are allowed.  She is a wonderful companion but curses and uses foul language nonstop. Free to a good home (lovable – swears like a sailor)  #FowlNFoul

OLD-FASHIONED woman seeks companionship/friendship — Denny’s Grand-Slam breakfast? Male or Female (60 to 100 years old).  No sex.  Please, flip phone or no phone. I do not care about apps, nor how many you have (too distracting for me to understand) #QuaintOne

CHICK MAGNET – Dodge Dart – classic car, 1960 – 2-door club sedan.  Wow — beautiful ride. Whitewall tires, a few small dents and dings.  Car gets lots of attention in the parking lot. This is a guy’s car (not a Corvette or a Porsche, but not as expensive) $15,000 obo. #CMagnet

ROOM4RENT – I am an older gent, looking for roommate, either sex.  You will have your own bedroom. We will share kitchen, living room, bathroom and patio.  I am cigar smoker and since I’m the one who signed the lease, I can smoke everywhere, Got it?  Rent – $1,000. I will not stop smoking! #CrankyGuy

DRIVER – I am a fastidious senior lady who needs help.  No longer able to drive my classic car – 1948 Hudson. Upholstery in need of repair but car still drives.  Need someone to drive me to doctors, bank, dentist, pharmacy, post office, mall, nail salon, Olive Garden, fabric store. Must be patient.  #M.Daisy

EVENT PLANNER – Owner of semi-successful event planner biz needs an assistant who can run from caterers, florist, venues for rent, able to wear many hats and be excellent photographer as well.  I have health issues and must go to racetrack every day to check on clubhouse activities.  #NathanD

 

Irene DeBlasio, retired essayist and poet, recently moved to Laguna Woods from Studio City.

 

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4 COMMENTS

  1. I don’t even know why but once I got to the Grand Slam part I practically spit my drink all over the screen. Your stuff is really funny. Thanks for the laughs!

  2. I will! I never did before but didn’t think I was missing anything. I hope you enjoy your brunch this morning, Ms. De Blasio.

    Until next time.

  3. Sorry to say, the wait at Denny’s was going to be a long one — I ate at the Snooty Fox and enjoyed it.
    Please do read the Laguna Beach Indy. It contains some fine ideas and well-written content.
    Many thanks.

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