The Laguna Beach InDepends recently reported police finally scooped up the “diaper bandit” (“Police Get a Break in Diaper Dumping Case,” Sept. 26, the Independent). He was dumping his adult dirty diapers along Coast Highway, soiling the city’s image and aroma. The elite team assigned to the case was code named “The Dependables.” Initially, police snipers were stationed on rooftops along Coast Highway to catch the turd.
The snipers were the departments’ best crap-shooters, but could not target the fast pooper. Several of the diapers tossed out landed by the side of the road on top of an ant pile. City workers quarantined the affected DependAnts. The diaper bandit was cited for illegal gambling, as he was using Coast Highway for a crap table.
The district attorney refused to prosecute, as all the evidence was crap. The city did award police personnel for the biggest scoops of their career. They were given meritous citations for dependability in the line of pooty.
Leonard J. Porto III, Laguna Beach