Pet Peeves

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Short Sighted

By Mark D. Crantz
By Mark D. Crantz

The road to marriage is paved with good intentions. That’s what I was thinking when reading the Indy article, “Short Term Rentals Get Long Term No.”

My wife is fond of saying to me, “Living with you is a day to day proposition.” I admit I’m not sure what she means by that. Is it because I’m difficult? Nah. Is it because I’m too funny? Nah, readers say it’s not that. Is it because she has one eye on the door? And that door is the billionaire neighbor’s door. Geez, I’ve got my eye on that one, too. It is a day-to-day proposition to see what happens when one door opens and the other door doesn’t close because both of us are making good on our neighborhood watch duties.

Marriage is a day-to-day proposition. Couples never forget the marriage vow part, “until death do us part.” That’s why right after the ceremony married people quit sleeping through the night. Everybody has one wary eye open on one another. The other eye is on the door. Medical experts say healthy sleep requires REM. The abbreviation stands for rapid eye movement and without it, it is the end of days and it’s the beginning of death do you part. Of course, people don’t talk about this. For appearance sake, they just pretend all is well by ignoring each other. If more adults were honest about it, then they would admit that their living arrangements are short term at best and long term at worse. Everybody needs shut eye. Preferably, both at the same time.

So where does this leave Lagunans after the passage of no more short-term rentals? Yikes. I suppose married households could keep up the lie and tell friends, neighbors and the housing authority that they are there for the long haul. But won’t the late night yelling, shouting and screeching tires give it all away? It takes hard work and dedication eschewing drugs and alcohol to make things look long term. How many of us can say no to drugs and keep up a marriage at the same time?

Honesty is the best policy. National marriage statistics reveal that one in two marriages are short term. That means half of Laguna households have now inadvertently declared themselves short-term rentals and will need to vacate the premises. This turn of events could be short sighted. Such an abrupt socio-economic change will come with consequences. Real estate agents will become instant zillionaires by simply turning 50 percent of Laguna over to Chinese millennials, a group who’s Chinese mothers know won’t marry but have the means to buy a piece of Laguna paradise at whatever the price.

I have mixed feelings about what it will be like having a Chinese neighbor who’s not married and rich at the same time. I think I will be overcome with envy and take my eye off the other neighbor’s door. I wonder what my wife will do? I’d ask her, but I don’t want to give her a heads up on the socio-economic change that’s coming our way.

Oh well, I’ll just rely on my third eye. It never sleeps and will keep me here for the long term.

Crantz tells the Indy that he’s just kidding. His marriage is very good. His wife couldn’t be reached for comment. She was across the street getting Chinese takeout.

 

 

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