Measure Up
I couldn’t remember what I was doing today. So, I checked my phone calendar. It read, remember do not turn on the Samsung Galaxy Note. Whoosh. Okay then, remember to send a thank you note to the nice firefighters of Engine One.
In a poof of smoke, I lost all my Samsung research notes on the upcoming propositions. There are propositions 55, 61, 63, 42, 50, 56, 99, 52, 27, 11, 14, and Laguna’s proposition KK. Whoa. Stop the snap count. How come Laguna has letters instead of numbers? I asked around.
Rita Rudner and the “Sunshine Boys” say Ks are funny, numbers aren’t. The Dirty Bird brothers said the answer was at the bottom of another. Cheers. By closing, no answer was found and no one could remember what the question was either. But everyone agreed they were having a great time and promised to do it tomorrow, whatever it was. The city council didn’t want to appear to residents to not know the answer so they took the matter to closed session to figure out a way to switch back to numbers and save face. They hired a numerology consultant. Susi Q seniors yelled what’s the question again? Speak up youngster.
I was delighted to be mistaken for a youngster, but disappointed to be no closer to an answer. I checked with the stool pigeons at Main Beach boardwalk. They all cooed the same answer. “Give us Shirley’s bagel and we’ll tell you the answer.” It was outright bribery and a little scary that they knew my childhood nickname. I was about to give up when lightning struck.
“Hi, I’m Bob. Friends call me Lightning.” I looked at the guy sitting next to me. He said, “I couldn’t help overhearing your question to the pigeons. Is your name really Shirley?” I didn’t want to get into it, so I copped out, “No I was eating a Shirley’s bagel. The pigeons love Shirley’s bagels.” Thunder rumbled. Lightning flashed, “Truth or dare.” I winced. “Okay, if you insist. I have a twin, Shirley. Kids would pretend to mix us up and call me Shirley.” The skies began to clear.
Lightning Bob began to drift away, but managed, “KK stands for K-Kannabis. “Wait,” I said. “Cannabis is spelled with a C.” Lightning lit up a toothy grin. “Ks are funny, numbers aren’t. And by the way, kids called me Rita. I’m Rudner’s twin.”
Wow. Lightning struck twice. I had my answer. Pass the bong. I think I’ll have another hit. Should I vote yes or no on KK? Don’t hold your breath for my answer. Lightning doesn’t strike three times. Yes or no? What’s the question again?
Crantz tells the Indy that his doctor had different advice. He said, “Follow my advice to the letter or your number is up. And change your name to K-Krantz from Crantz. It’s funnier.”
