It’s lonely at the bottom. Several months ago, I noticed the social media banner at the top of my digital column. Here’s what it showed. And continues to show.
Share 0 Like 0 Tweet 0 Pinterest 0 Share 0 Email 0
These figures do not bode well for me. I suppose the bright side is that I’m consistent, as in, always being a big fat 0. Compare my results to the Indy column, “Laguna Theater Expects to Reopen Soon.”
Share 861 Like 747 Tweet 2 Pinterest 0 Share 1 Email 2
Quite a difference, don’t you think? Here’s what I take from the comparison. One, the social media banner is not broken. And two, I’m tied in the Pinterest category at 0. This means, I wasn’t totally blown out of the game. There’s hope of a come back for me. I can’t say the same for Pinterest. These guys are always at 0. My suggestion is to change the name to Pinehurst, as a last resort.
The other day, I was crying in my beer over this sad predicament. Then I had a revelation. “Stop crying and feeling sorry for yourself. Buck up. Be a man. Your cry- baby tears are turning a great IPA beer into a light beer for sissies,” my inner voice chided. I called my sponsor to see what he had to say. “You’re drinking again? Stop crying. I’ll come right over and drink the beer for you. That’s what great sponsors do.”
My sponsor took away my sobriety medallion. It helped. Now, I’m worried more about getting the medallion back, than I did about being a big fat 0 in social media. The feeling lasted until cocktail hour. The beer helped. I had to break into this social media game. What could I do about it? So, I had a 2,3,4,5,6 beer. Yep, I didn’t have a problem. Time to get some sleep.
I woke up with the same problem. I realized I was an old man at a young person’s game. I had no more idea how to break in to social media than how to make my hair look
different than Janet Yellen’s hairdo. We happen to use the same mixing bowls from William Sonoma. “Geez, focus old man,” the hangover inner voice grumbled.
Then it hit me. I needed a hacker. If I couldn’t get a social media following, then it was time to hack my way to the top. Following are the numbers that will appear on this column.
Share 18,610 Like 17,470 Tweet 2,000 Pinterest 1,000,000 Share 20,00 Email 25,000
Wow. That looks a lot better. And notice that Pinterest blew out all the categories with a million hits. Us losers need to stick together. We won’t be Snowden under.
