AI
A.I. is all the rage. A.I. stands for artificial intelligence. And a lot of this talk is about artificial intelligence in our cars. Experts say we are just a few short years to having autonomous driving vehicles. People seem over the moon about it. I believe that’s where most of the accidents will land. I can hear it now. “Officer. I don’t know what happened. It was a full moon. It was covered in LA smog and looked super green. The car interpreted it as a green light and just mashed the pedal to the metal. That’s how we crashed into the Magic Mountain ride. We didn’t mean to jump the line and run over Mickey. I apologize for my car. My insurance will pay for his two missing fingers.”
I’m not excited about autonomous driving cars. I can see it now. My autonomous driving car will go for its driver’s license and flunk. Then what? I’ll have to take it back to the dealership for service. “Mr. Crantz we checked you car’s computer. Your car has the intelligence of an earthworm. Avoid full moons and birds until we hear back from the manufacturer on what to do.” I don’t know how to respond to the service guy, so I give him back the thousand yard stare.” “Mr. Crantz did you hear me? You have to snap out of it. Concentrate. Your car learns from you. Try acting smarter than an earthworm. If not for yourself, do it for the car.”
George Jetson had the first autonomous car. He loved it at first. But then the car decided autonomously it wanted to be an airplane instead. George had a fear of flying. The car didn’t care. Every day George would get in the car to go to work and the car would lift off and take him to places it wanted to go. On most days, George found himself entered into aviation shows, where flying cars competed against each other in speed and loop de loop events. “The Jetsons” lasted only one TV season. TV executives in the know suspect the flying car kidnapped George when it autonomously decided to become the Star Trek Enterprise and go where no man has gone before. TMZ promises to be the first paparazzi to go where no paparazzi has gone before to reach George for comment.
We should be leery of AI. Computers talk to each other. They talk in ones and zeroes. Most people don’t know this language. Who’s to say your car computer won’t be driving and texting each other. Do you really want to go for a ride in a gabby car that’s surfing for car parts on eBay? Or a car that falls in love with a flying Ferrari. Text: “Did you see that red hottie?” Text: “Forget him. He’s all charged up over a Tesla.” Text: “He’s mine. Tesla doesn’t have the range.”
Autonomous driving cars are probably a foregone conclusion. But when your car succumbs to viruses or hacks, then misbehaves and gets tickets, who pays? You or the car? I see the future now. “Officer. My car didn’t cause the accident. It stopped at the Village Entrance. We were rear-ended by 6 million tourists. Talk to them in ones and zeroes, if you want to know what happened.”
Crantz tells the Indy that he doesn’t want a flying car, but would like to have a household robot maid like the Jetsons’ Rosie. Crantz’ wife is all for it.
