Donkeys in the Room
I don’t know if I can lift another shovelful. I just cleaned up after the elephants of the Republican National Convention. Now I’m off and following donkeys, aka (asses) at the Democratic National Convention. Different animals, same pet peeves. How come I get the #### assignments? I don’t even get a Special to the Independent byline.
No matter. Work is work. Someone has to step in it. The Democrats held their convention in Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love, with the line being drawn at transgender bathrooms. The Wells Fargo Convention Center hosted the asses and provided ATM machines with no service fee charges. The machines were hacked early Wednesday morning and the asses identities were stolen and re-registered as elephants. By Thursday, Trump was 15 points ahead in the polls and billions of dollars richer. Hillary screamed, “Foul.” Trump laughed and said he hadn’t had so much fun since his Rosie O’Donnell days. Trump refused to return the money or identities, but agreed to pay for a new identity for Hillary. Her new name was changed to Bernadette (aka) Bernie Sanders. The real Bernie screamed, “Great, I’m back in the race. He was soon after arrested for crossing the transgender bathroom line. The arrest disqualified him and Hillary was back in with new papers reinstating her original status, married but filing and living separately. Bill couldn’t be found for comment.
Fortunately, the Sunday before the convention opening, Bill was discovered in his Presidential Library Bookmobile moving second home property transactions in Arkansas. Hillary quickly disavowed any knowledge of Bill’s foundation work, but stood behind her man and reaffirmed that he’d give the keynote address. Bill’s speech was later revealed to be Melania Trump’s speech. Then sometime later corrected by the press as being taken from a Michelle Obama speech. And finally confirmed by Fox news as belonging to the other woman, Monica Lewinsky. Bill couldn’t be found for comment and was believed to be on the move again in the Presidential Library Bookmobile collecting library fines for overdue books.
Hillary’s head of voter registration, Chadford Ballot, aka (Hanging Chad) assured TV viewers it would be different this time around. “Democrats are going to win big. We will get the vote out early and often. It will be like the good old Kennedy days. Chicago will vote twice. That’s both living and dead voters. Trump that.”
Sentiment and spirits ran high and by the convention’s end, the asses felt lifted and ready to give a good spanking to The Donald for stealing their big government identities.
Crantz tells the Indy that he enjoyed doing color commentary and drawing outside the lines at both conventions this year.
Sometimes this column is pretty amusing. Other times not so much.
” Bill couldn’t be found for comment and was believed to be on the move again in the Presidential Library Bookmobile collecting library fines for overdue books.”
Did that “library” include King George’s favorite book- “My Pet Goat”?
The emperor with “new clothes” looked like a deer caught in the headlights when he was finally done reading to his 6 year old peers.