Pet Peeves: Lights, Camera, Inaction

By Mark D. Crantz

2 col pet peeves Mark CrantzLaguna Beach.  Another perfect day in Paradise, but oh no, the tourists are coming.  The tourists are coming.  Paul Revere had to warn citizens once and history makes a big deal about it.  Actually, it was just dumb luck that the colonists got any warning at all.  It seems no one had informed Mr. Revere that the British invaded on the other side of the road.  Fortunately, his horse had more horse sense and was looking in the right place and nudged her rider into history’s winner circle.

Here in Laguna Beach, residents must deal with a good spirited invasion from all over the world each and every year and we love it.  Our warning system began when last week the Indy covered the final preparations for the Pageant of the Masters, which opens July 7th.   Having had the delight to see two previous productions as a resident, I’m beginning to feel as dialed in as Paul Revere’s horse.  Let me show you dear reader how to dial in.  First take this sugar cube.  Okay, close your eyes.  Wait don’t close your eyes.  You need to read my instructions.  Try to relax.  Listen for the waves.  Slowly turn your head east.  Stick your finger in the ear closest to the waves.  With your other hand cup the other ear to capture and magnify sound production.  No, you can’t have another sugar cube. If it’s Tuesday and you hear karaoke then you are west of Hennessy Tavern.  If it’s Wednesday and you still hear karaoke then you are now west of Ocean Avenue Brewery.  I apologize for my singing.  Stay calm.  Concentrate.  Do you hear it?  Yep, you got it.  I can tell by your pointy, twitching ears.  Just out in the distance is,  “Stand still.  Quit fidgeting.  You move again and I’ll give you a time out.  If we wanted an action film then we would of hired Arnold Schwarzenegger.”

Don’t be alarmed.  What you’ve heard is just pre-opening dress rehearsal jitters.  In a few weeks when the curtain rises, I guarantee the Pageant of the Masters will be picture perfect.  Actually, this year it’s called ‘The Big Picture.’  And it sounds perfect.  According to Pageant director, Diane Challis Davy, “This year’s production is a lighthearted look at pageant and Hollywood history.”  The show pulls together history, art and film.  The history even includes stars that were former residents, such as Rudolph Valentino, Charlie Chaplin, Harold Lloyd and Betty Davis.  All local stars, who have made it to the big pictures.  Now, it’s your turn dear reader to make it to Hollywood.  Go see  ‘The Big Picture.’  Your support generates millions of dollars for your friends, neighbors, and local merchants.  That’s the picture behind the ‘Big Picture.’ Get your tickets soon before the visitors come thousand by land and thousands by sea.

That’s a good deed.  Have another sugar cube.  You deserve it.


Mark is a transplant to Laguna from Chicago.  He occasionally writes the guest column “Pet Peeves.”  His recently deceased Border Collie, Pokey, is his muse and ghostwriter.

About the Author

Leave a Reply