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Tag: "Pet Peeves"

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Pet Peeves

Pet Peeves

I Yam What I Yam I yam what I yam. I’m not Popeye the Sailorman. I’m not strong to the finish because I won’t eat my spinach, and, ah, I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for another beer today. I’m Pet Peeves’ the wimpy, complaining man. Moan. Moan. Wow, there was big news in the Indy […]

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Pet Peeves

Pet Peeves

The Anomaly: a Blank Slate I read in the Indy that another tattoo parlor opened up.  I wish the young person owner much success. Just from looking around, I think she will be. Everybody is inked. I’m old and not. But I did come close once. My third kid graduated college and I almost got,  […]

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Whodunit

Whodunit

There’s an art thief amongst us. “Tableaux vivants” are disappearing at rehearsals. “At first we didn’t notice. There’s so many volunteers backstage, the commotion masked the disappearance,” said a tearful high school student. Another supporter chimed in, “And that painting wasn’t the first. We’re taking an inventory now to see how many paintings are missing,” […]

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Pancake, Pancake, Fireman

Pancake, Pancake, Fireman

“Pancake, pancake, fireman, griddle us a cake as fast as you can, pat it and roll it, and mark it with a ‘L,’ flip it on the griddle for my dog and me,” I belted out while waiting for my first Memorial Day pancake breakfast. “Hey, buddy. The ‘L’ stands for loser. No cutting in […]

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Budget Stretch

Budget Stretch

The school’s retirement funds are broke again. Sounds like a broken record. Oops, let me update that. Sounds like a broken MP-3 player. Oops, oops. Sounds like a broken IPod. Whew, I dated myself there. And my wife, who knows me, wishes I dated myself again. It seems schools are always broke. I want to […]

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2+2=5

2+2=5

I have a question.  Please teacher look at me.  I’m raising my hand.  She’s not looking. Don’t despair. I’ll just wave my hand and bounce up and down. Great she sees me. Okay, sure.  I understand. You want me to go to the principal’s office and explain why I was doing calisthenics in math class. […]

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Tennis Anyone

Tennis Anyone

My neck hurts. I’ve been watching the back and forth volley regarding resurfacing the tennis courts. The baseline-to-baseline action has been fast and furious. Many Laguna spectators have given up altogether and have switched to the lawn bowling action in Heisler Park.  “Much easier on my neck muscles,” reports a disavowed tennis spectator.  A few, […]

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Start Yellen

Start Yellen

Don’t be confused Indy readers.  This column remains Pet Peeves, although the title suggests I’m encroaching on the column Taking Stock.  I would never traipse on a fellow writer’s turf.  You can take my bitcoins to the bank and then buy drugs at your earliest convenience. I swear to you on the Winklevoss twins’ lives […]

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Pet Peeves

Pet Peeves

Christmas Past By Mark D. Crantz The holidays can be a time of mixed feelings. It’s a joyous time of year for retailers and not so much for the rest of us, who are in a frenzy to make each retailer happier than the next. This year my wife’s secret Santa, which she doesn’t keep […]

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Pet Peeves Holiday Traditions

Pet Peeves Holiday Traditions

  Many people think that Christmas has become more complex and too commercial.  I have to say nay to those Scrooges. Tiny Tim will still have a bountiful Christmas even if he has a dickens of a time enrolling in HealthCare.gov. No young demographic wants to deal with provider availability, deductibles, and copays when there […]

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Pet Peeves: Citizen Fathom

Pet Peeves: Citizen Fathom

I now feel like a kid on Christmas Eve.  Up until now, I was on the naughty list. Then ‘lo and behold,’ my wife presented me with two tickets to the Sunday performance of “Citizen Twain,” presented by the Laguna Playhouse. Now I have no choice this year, “Every kiss begins with Kay.” My wife […]

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Pet Peeves: Watch Your Step

Pet Peeves: Watch Your Step

Laguna Art Museum has embarked on an exciting new project that redefines art inspired by nature.  I believe this new approach will strike a chord with residents. Jim Denevan is a land artist whose work elevates making sand angels by creating huge circles, squares and other shapes that go on for miles on the beach.  […]

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Pet Peeves: Catch ‘Fallen Angels’

Pet Peeves: Catch ‘Fallen Angels’

Laguna Playhouse is finishing up a production of Noel Coward’s “Fallen Angels.”  The cast did a superb job with this classic farce originally written in 1925.  You know good material from bad when the humor resonates 88 years later.  This is the case with “Fallen Angels,” unlike “Pet Peeves,” where the reader prefers after 88 […]

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Pet Peeves: Plein Air, Plain Sight

Pet Peeves: Plein Air, Plain Sight

  Back when I was a small boy and before I became a small man, my Mother would say, “Why don’t you go outside and get some fresh air?”  This was Mom code for, “You are driving me nuts, and if you don’t leave soon, I can’t be held accountable for a spanking that will […]

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Pet Peeves: Birthday Suit

Pet Peeves: Birthday Suit

Mark D. Crantz 2100 Ocean Way Laguna Beach, CA  92651 847.570.9411 I have a secret that I can’t live with.  I’m a senior citizen and I do nude male modeling.  I never intended to tell anybody, but you know the cat is out of the bag. I need to get in front of the publicity […]