The Kibitzer

Two Paddleboards Adrift

This is the story of two lost paddleboards and their trans-European adventure. It’s also a parable of how one industry is continually cutting costs to pursue profits. And how the very nature of capitalism as it is presently configured is an unrelenting attack on jobs and humanity.

My daughter recently moved to the island of Ibiza, Spain. I planned a visit, and as a housewarming gift would bring her two paddleboards. I was partly motivated by self-interest as the island has luscious turquoise waters, dramatic sea cliffs, and protected coves everywhere – each with a beach club serving fabulous Catalan seafood. My plan was to pick a different coastline to paddle each morning, followed by some paella, sangria, and a siesta.

Only the boards never arrived. I had flown Swiss Air to Barcelona via Zurich, and so did my boards. But we parted company in Barcelona when the baggage handlers couldn’t get the boards up the oversized belt. Time was tight and they told me to take my connecting flight, assuring me my boards would be shipped the next morning.

The boards never made that morning flight. Instead, they were re-routed to the neighboring island of Mallorca, where they were scheduled for transport to Ibiza by nightfall. We drove to the airport and were then informed the boards didn’t fit on the commuter flight and were staying in Mallorca until they could figure out a solution. They’d keep us informed.

Another day went by when we were told the boards had been shipped back to Barcelona. They had no solution and asked if I could come pick them up. I said no. An hour later they told us the boards would be sent to Zurich, then onto Ibiza the next morning on the first flight. The boards indeed went to Zurich as scheduled, but somehow never made the connecting flight. Now it would be delayed two more days as the flights were limited. A week into my trip, my precious boards arrived. Completely trashed. Eight solid dings in one, six dings in the other, and two rips in a board bag. Useless.

But I’m not here to plead for sympathy, as I am aware this is a decidedly first world lament. It would be unseemly to scream at hapless customer service reps over my entitlement issues. Another ugly American ranting that his vacation is ruined because of a hiccup. Get a life! Plus I was determined to be a positive role model for my occasionally impatient daughter. She is, after all, my spawn.

Truth be told, there is just too much magic in Ibiza to let anything harsh my mellow. This is the libertine party island that never sleeps. Where private jets ferrying DJs and rock stars land at all times of the day and night. There’s even a club at the end of a runway, playing ear spitting electronic music while early morning flights buzz the revelers. That is certainly the Ibiza most have heard about. But not what I was after.

Get outside the clubs and the island is a decidedly pastoral, gentle, and calming place. The roads are so narrow no one can hurry. If you don’t like asphalt, take the ancient dirt roads that wiggle through farms with orchards and grazing sheep, while birds envelop gently undulating pine forests and the gorgeous Spanish light lingers until nearly 10 p.m.

That’s what we did, on bikes and on foot, because I pivoted and made this visit about terrestrial exploration, discovering the introverted side of the island. And it had its way with me. We would get lost in a magical labyrinth of unhurried roads that unfolded delights at every turn, seeing no one until stumbling upon a quiet village and enjoying – you guessed it – paella and sangria.

Point is I chose to flow and be grateful for any outcome because I arrived healthy and got to spend precious time with my kid. That was the gift. As for Swiss Air, this was an example of automation and outsourcing replacing humans. They are no longer responsible for your baggage in Spain, because they farmed it out to a third party. The personnel at this company fumbled and didn’t have the wherewithal or authority to negotiate with an airline outside their network to move the cargo. Only Swiss could do that. But trying to reach Swiss was an endless loop of automated responses that led back to the third party agency. And as for the entire industry, you may have noticed they are doing away with agents at check-in and the boarding gate in favor of scanners. There are less and less humans to appeal to when needed. That’s good for them, and bad for us.

It was a reminder of how many jobs will soon be lost – not just in the airline industry – but in any industry where automation can replace humans in the march for shareholder gain. Like driverless cars and trucks. It’s a stark reminder that any president who promises more jobs will have rough seas ahead.

As for me, I’ll be paddleboarding soon – in Laguna, giving people tours of our unspeakably beautiful coastline. Until they replace me with a machine.

Billy Fried hosts “Laguna Talks” Thursdays at 8 p.m. on KX 93.5 FM.