renaissance

Wisdom Workout

Quick Exit From Dramaland

 

By Susan McNeal Velasquez.

Change is in the air. At least in my life. Everything from upgrading my computer to having  my web host decide to close his business. Even though I am in the personal growth field, the truth is that I don’t like change very much. At least not changes that are thrust upon me when I’m not looking.

When I am faced with new decisions, my first knee-jerk reaction is resistance. I don’t want to deal directly with the issue but I have to do something. My next step is to grumble and groan within earshot of a sympathetic person because a little bit of sympathy never hurt anyone.

Sympathy feels much more soothing than its second cousin, empathy, which is more mature and adult. You know what I mean. “Poor you! I’m so sorry this is happening to you!” feels so much better, for the moment, than “I know how you feel. That happened to me once too!” Not as satisfying when I’m feeling victimized.

Since I’m familiar with the emotional pattern of resistance to change, thankfully I know how to shortcut my stay in dramaland.

Upset has its own emotional pattern, and if it isn’t interrupted midway it will play itself all the way out. You’ve probably experienced this cycle yourself at different times. The first response, resistance, I’ve already mentioned.

Resistance is followed by resentment. Why is this happening to me? Oh great, just what I needed! The third step in the process is revenge.  We start looking for someone to blame or we turn on ourselves, creating a catastrophy by overly-dramatizing the problem and getting stuck there instead of finding a solution. It helps to know this cycle so you can identify where you are in the process and save yourself from more stress.

In my case, I started with resistence and moved into resentment, but this time I decided to adopt the idea that these changes could be an opportunity to enhance the service I am getting and also to take a look at upgrading my website.

First, I had to let go of the idea that I’m supposed to know the answers. That lets my mind open to exploration of new solutions. This part didn’t happen immediately. I had to sit in the annoyance and confusion about what to do until new ideas started to present themselves. In my case, I happened to moan in front of the right person who offered up some viable solutions.

Even though I didn’t know what direction to go in, this friend generously offered a contact who is expert in web design. So actually, the biggest stretch for me was to ask for help. Next time I am faced with new decisions in areas that I have no expertise, I intend to ask for help more cleanly. In this situation, whining worked just fine.

As I practice admitting that I don’t know what action to take, the main benefit is greater ease when I seek out and accept support. It seems that life will provide when we supply an open and receptive attitude towards finding a workable solution.

Acknowledging that we need help can trigger feelings of vulnerability, especially if our past contains experiences when we needed and failed to receive support. As a result, we may have sustained damage to the important sense that we are worth support and can trust life. For those of us who have weathered rough spots in our past, and that usually means almost all of us, this requires a leap of faith by letting go of  over-control and our fear of  the unknown.

My new website is being created and I will probably go through the growing pains of getting used to it. Here’s to letting go of resistance, facing the unknown and celebrating the new opportunites that come as a result. Spring is in the air.

 

Susan writes and facilitates personal development seminars locally. She wrote “Beyond Intellect: Journey Into the Wisdom of Your Intuitive Mind.” Visit her at: susanvelasquez.com or (949) 494-7773.

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