Please respond to this inquiry concerning your wall-building skills.
Laguna Beach needs a different kind of wall, a “magic” wall; the magic has to do with letting the people in, but keeping their vehicles out. Letting their bikes in but keeping their motorcycles out is also a requirement.
This wall must be outside the town, but within walking distance for the average Lagunan. We don’t know how far the average Lagunan can walk. We can hire a consulting group to come up with this information. We cannot tell you how many Lagunans have bikes.
We can’t tell you where to build the wall, but it probably would be in the canyon. We can hire a consulting group to study where in the canyon it should be built.
We know that we should have parking structures because we have always thought we should have parking structures. If you build the wall into a parking structure, it would be considered cost-effective. The city elders don’t like parking structures without greenery so you will have to talk with a different set of elders in charge of greenery.
You should study whether the parking structures should be inside or outside the wall. Staff wants the parking structures outside the wall, but that means that the Planning Commission or the City Council will likely want the wall inside the parking structure.
We want the latest technology for “people-movers.” We have added this requirement recently, and we intend to hire a consulting company to evaluate the various different types of people movers.
We know we need people movers, because the people need to be moved into the city from the wall and the parking structures. And back, also. Don’t forget they have to get back.
We have no budget for this project, but we’d like to start soon.
You may ask questions of staff, the City Council, the Planning Commission, the various consulting firms, the city elders, the greenery elders and the man on the street. You must listen to all of them, because Laguna Beach is a democracy. We forgot to mention that you must go through Design Review, but if you can build a “magical” wall, you can probably also go through the Design Review Wall.
Please submit your bid to build the wall, on a firm, fixed-price basis, within 10 days.
Allan Simon, Master Spoofer