The Perils of Pierre, Neglected Poodle
I am Pierre. I live in Laguna with my person, Brion. My fondest wish is for Brion to be the responsible person I know he can be. His distracting smart phone makes him behave so poorly.
Sacre bleu, turn that cursed thing off. It makes the most annoying beeps. We need to enjoy our time together. Oh, to give it a good chew.
I know this seems harsh. But dogs must live an honest life. It is the basis of our unconditional love for persons. We are dogs, not furry persons. We take great pride in this distinction.
Just the other day we took a walk to Le Market. As always, Brion was totally into his phone. Not our walk. Some unfortunate incidents occurred.
Our 75’ extension leash – 6 feet is allowed — let me wander deep into Miss Lilly’s English garden. She spent decades perfecting it. You know what happened. All those wonderful flowers, mulches and scents. It wasn’t long before nature called. I answered.
Suddenly Bruno, her endlessly barking Boxer, comes charging over. Why doesn’t Miss Lilly keep him fenced in? Bruno was not pleased. He behaved like it is my fault Miss Lilly’s perfect garden turned into une toilette.
Mon Dieu, Bruno chased me around a Eucalyptus so many times our leash tied Brion to its trunk. After she took a selfie, Miss Lilly cut us free.
We proceed to Le Market sans leash. Brion knows the Dog Park is the only public place in Laguna where dogs may be without a leash. I felt so naked.
On the way I noticed scat on the sidewalk. Tied up in Le Sack. Whose person leaves that?
At Le Market Brion picks me up, all 60 pounds, and places me in Le Cart. “Service dog,” he mumbles to the manager as we hurry past. It’s so embarrassing when Brion fibs like that.
I am worried about the mess Brion didn’t clean up at Miss Lilly’s. He never remembers Le Sack.
Posts on hydrant say that some authorities are now using DNA to trace dogs whose persons don’t clean up after them. Percival the serial pooper was finally caught. The homeowners association started requiring DNA swabs from all dogs in his high rise.
Then they found some scat in the hall. DNA tests matched it to Percival. His person claimed they were being framed with scat removed from the trash and placed in the hall to set them up. The judge wasn’t buying it. When his person wouldn’t pay, it was Percival who went to the pound
Coming next, Pierre goes to the beach.
JJ Gasparotti moved to Laguna Beach with his family when he was 11yrs old. He has loved it ever since.