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The Gubbins

By JJ Gaspaarotti
By JJ Gaspaarotti

This column was assembled from gubbins collected from the floor of the composition room at Wet Suit World Head Quarters.

Last month a red bark eucalyptus brutally attacked two innocent cars parked adjacent to the offices of this newspaper. It did so in apparent retaliation for a recent column denigrating eucalyptus trees as dangerous and only worthy of trimming with a stump grinder.

Fortunately, there were no injuries. You are advised to keep your eyes open when you park. Future attacks are expected. No relief is anticipated from the city’s new tree policy.

One can’t help but wonder if the expected rise in the cost of newsprint paper, which is made from trees, isn’t part of a conspiracy to silence this column.

In an occurrence as rare as a blue moon turning red from an eclipse, there seems to be agreement brewing between Village Laguna and the Laguna Beach Republicans that the city’s ballot measure to underground the utilities along Laguna Canyon Road is a bad idea and a waste of money.

In a related development, the State of California seems to be willing to grant money for wildland fuel modification projects but has no funds for under grounding utilities. The city is mobilizing an effort to capture that grant with a skillful application.

Isn’t interesting that of the several fires that recently occurred near Laguna, the ones adjacent to the Canyon Road were extinguished in short order while the fire out in the wilderness area, not near any power poles and in brush that hadn’t been trimmed or burned in over a hundred years, smoldered for a week before it was declared out?

In a further related development, the city authorized funds to support a lawsuit intended to obstruct State of California Department of Transportation plans to improve drainage and underground utilities adjacent the Laguna Canyon Road between El Toro Road and the Toll Road.

And in a final development, Pierre the Poodle has indicated a willingness to join with Village Laguna and the Laguna Beach Republicans in their opposition to the undergrounding of utilities in Laguna Canyon. “Where is a dog supposed to go?” he wondered. “Maybe they’ll paint all the hydrants red?”

Recently a reader accused this column of being in support of developing hotels in Laguna. Upon reflection, that reader is right. Hotels are a good thing. They provide a place for your in-laws to stay, and hotel guests are the only visitors to Laguna that fully pay for the expenses caused by their visit.

Gubbins: 1. dialectal British, fish parings or refuse; broadly: any bits and pieces: scraps.

 

JJ Gasparotti moved to Laguna Beach with his family when he was 11 years old. He has loved it ever since.

 

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