The Diaries of the Hot Bot in Trump’s Hair
Chapter One: The Hot Bot
My name is Petra the Hot Blonde. I first was tasked to sit on Trump’s shoulder when Obama was elected president, and my assignment was to create a monster. So, I whispered into Donny’s ear to play-up the “Birther” idea that Obama was not born in the United States. BTW, we call him Donny because that is what his dad, Fred, called him.
Fred Trump wanted his first son, Fred Jr., to take over the empire and he treated Donny with contempt. Donny was the last kid, the fifth, and the baby. He always was the baby. He still is.
Currently, I hide in what’s left of his hair. I can get really small, like an atom, but also almost any size up to human. As a human-sized Hot Blonde, I have all the requirements. Long blonde hair, wide cobalt blue eyes, endless legs, great figure, that kind of face you want to fall into. Plus, I know all the ways to captivate weak men like Donny. Praise them a lot; that is what they want: the praise Mommy and Daddy never gave them.
It took me several years to train Donny how to think. I whispered in his ear while he was asleep and he thought it was a dream. Some dream. But as someone to program, he was easy. Flattery, flattery, flattery.
Chapter Two: The Early Years
The bankruptcies and bailouts were numerous. After Fred Trump Jr. died of alcoholism, the old man had no choice but to back Donny. The other kids weren’t interested. The money the old man dumped into Donny…whoa. But by then, years ago, we thought maybe Donny was a good candidate for our program, so I’d drop in on Donny human-sized. Because Donny was such a business disaster, I had to keep reappearing and be his rock of sexualized support. Why do you think he went through so many women? None ever could compete with me, and I’m not even real. I take that back. I am a real bot, just not a real human.
But I digress. It is 2008. Obama has just been elected president. As the first black president, it was obvious what the score would be. The Republican base is racist, duh, please don’t challenge on that point. That’s why claiming Obama was not born in the United States was so clever (that was our work, too); Donny could defend it by saying he just wanted the truth, and then Fox News would play it up because its base is racist too, duh again.
Twitter was invented in 2006 and very early on I taught Donny how to use it. Donny had trouble controlling his fat fingers, so I often did it for him.
Getting his syntax down was easy. I just pretended I was a 12-year-old boy and typed in that voice.
To be continued…
Michael Ray grew up in Corona del Mar and lives in Laguna Beach. He is a real estate entrepreneur involved in many nonprofits.