Of Aphorisms and Adolescents

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Confucious reportedly said, “The louder the exhaust the smaller the penis.” Well, if that is the case, then a male enhancement business would reap enormous profits in Laguna Beach.

I mention this to all you doctor-entrepreneur types out there because Laguna has become the land of the loud, despite the idle threats of fines and tickets posted at our ever-decaying-city entrances (note the compound adjective emphasizes our city is decaying, not the entrances).

The exhaust-enhanced motorcycles, cars and trucks are everywhere in town – from Coast Highway where foreign 35-year- old UCI undergrads race their Lambos and AMGs to local streets where residents ply their over-loud Harley’s and belching diesel trucks seeming to cry, “I’m not inadequate, really.”

I have never seen a police officer give a ticket to one of these obvious offenders. Perhaps their view is blocked by an easy up at Main Beach or a leaf blower kicking up a dust cloud or maybe someone from a rehab center exhaling an enormous cloud of Mojito Summer flavored vape while watching their unleashed dog digging holes in the tide pools.

As a former adolescent male, I remember the challenges of that period. Feelings of inadequacy are normal. I also remember a teenage friend with a particularly loud car. He settled down, has a beautiful wife, and drives a Tesla. To his endowment, I cannot testify. However, I believe he has shaken any feelings of inferiority and no longer needs to disturb the peace and tranquility of entire communities to receive the approval of others.

Good luck you men with loud exhausts (and big trucks). We really know it’s a cry for help and we sincerely hope you find the approval you so desperately need.


Michael Rybah, Laguna Beach


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