Tempest in a Flowerpot
By Mark Crantz
Here we go, again. It’s election season. Sometimes it’s hard to know when political campaigning begins and ends. Nowadays, campaigning seems to never stop. It feels like we are all back in school at a pep rally that just keeps going on and on. “Good afternoon students. I’m principal Trumpum. Forget Friday night’s football game. I’m cancelling it to keep this pep rally going. Keep clapping. I live for your positive reinforcement. Sway to your left. Sway to your right. Stand up. Sit down. Vote me…me…me. Now the fight song in Russian…”
Locally, two city council seats are open for this election. There are five candidates vying to fill these seats. Three are newcomers. Two are veterans. And one other is rumored to be in the re-upholstery business. “None of the other candidates can fix seats. Only I have the experience to redo all the seats at city hall. Make them comfy. Vote for me and I promise a free My Pillow to all city council attendees.”
Another candidate dismissed the offer. “There’s more to life than your ###. Think bigger. Think Kardashian. A vote for me is a butt lift promise for all our beaches. I will make Laguna the ### destination of the world. I’ll better my opponent’s offer and give residents two free My Pillows surgically implanted for a better beach experience.”
Unfortunately, one newcomer has already gotten his ### shot at. His candidacy has been challenged. He owns a local business that’s been cited for city code violations. Flowerpots and general merchandise are alleged to hamper access to adjacent property. Also, a garage has been illegally converted to an office. Car buff voters worry that his vehicle has been left out in a relentless southern California sun. One voter sighed, “I can’t vote for someone who mistreats a car. I love my car. My favorite pastime is to polish it to a glorious shine and then drive around looking for a parking space. Truth be told, I’m disappointed when I find one because my ‘look-at-me’ ride is over.”
Another voter shared his thoughts about the garage turned into an office scandal. “Give the guy a break. It’s the only room in a house that defies a woman’s touch. My wife could care less about the garage. It’s pillow free and I love it. Sometimes I go out there to get away from all the interior design. My wife supports my alone time and helps out by starting my car when I go into my sanctuary.”
Crantz tells the Indy that all the candidates are worthy individuals, who care for Laguna Beach. Pillow talk notwithstanding.
