Lawyers Wanted
By Mark Crantz
Late night comics are in a panic. It looks like a Trump loss. There goes the treasure trove of funny material. One shook-up, stand-up lamented, “I’ll miss Trump. He wrote my material for me.” Another funny man agreed. “Yeah. I just read his tweets. Didn’t have to change a word. I’ve been on vacation for four years.”
“Gosh darn, with Biden in there, I’ll have to look harder for the funny.” Many comics agree. Biden just isn’t funny. “He looks like a normal grandpa,” explained a comic. “His words when spoken are measured, spelled correctly and shared with listeners based on a lifetime of hard-won experience.” A newbie comic, still wet behind the punch line and considered, at most, a sit-down comic aspiring to stand up complained, “Biden’s boring. He’s old and smells old, too.”
Many Americans agree with the comics. Nearly half the country wanted to give Trump another four years. He was entertaining. With the orange clown hair and the big shoes he was America’s favorite entertainer. Only Trump could put down people, parties, and countries to his heart’s content. His audience couldn’t get enough of it. Even if he was dissing you and everything you believed in, some loved him for it. He was one against the world. You know, the way you feel a lot of the time. He was defining a reality suited for him and you wanted to be part of his scorn. Half of the country wanted him to have another four years to rage against the machine, so you could too. It was more fun than feeling held under the thumb of life’s hard truths.
The bozo of all bozos has announced he won’t exit stage left quietly. No gonging his warped wrap will stop him from going quietly into the night. Trump has hired a gaggle of lawyers to contest the election. Luckily for him there is a bounty of entertainment lawyers willing to shill for him pro bono. He’s a man divined by him(self) to remain king.
Hopefully, this won’t happen. But just legally declaring Grandpa Joe the winner will not be the end of it. Trump is just a symptom of another virus afflicting half the country. Too many people feel left out of the American dream. Grandpa Joe has to reach out and find ways to include everybody. There’s nothing fun or funny about building consensus, but it must be done for the good of all.
I wish Grandpa Joe the best and suggest the comics look elsewhere for material.
Crantz tells the Indy that he wants to be the first to fire off, “Congrats. Joe, you’re hired.”
