Opinion: Pet Peeves

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Life Coach-Lesson 5

By Mark Crantz

The nights during the coronavirus isolation are the worst. Things go boom in the night.  I’m an old person and miss my Mom’s comforting words,  “It’s just me honey trying to sneak up on you. You’re my good little soldier keeping one eye open and one eye shut.  You caught me sneaking, unlike your brother, who was so sound asleep, that I carried him out to the car and drove him into the desert. He won’t get Lucky Charms for breakfast tomorrow. But you soldier-boy have earned two rations. Sleep light. Sleep tight.”

Those were the days of innocence. Now we’re up all night worrying about the coronavirus sneaking up on us. Every sniffle, every cough, even our farts scare us. As your life coach, I intend to be there 24/7 from the 24/7 local convenience stores.

Convenience stores are this country’s first line of defense. These places are everywhere.  The customers are spur of the moment personalities, who buy stuff on a whim. This sporadic shopping behavior is nomadic and opposite to our required isolationist behavior. A Food and Beverage Investigator (FBI) profiler explains, “Convenience market shoppers may have not been treated well, as children. Some may have been driven into the desert and left there. They may have lower self-esteem, sporadic hygiene habits and do not have the God-given sense to not eat those rotating hot dogs from 1962.” So, I pledge to all readers to stand guard day and night to keep away the riff raff. And while I keep watch I ask, “clerk, I think I’ll have a hot dog, smothered in nacho cheese. Thanks.”

“These are the times that try men’s souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot, will in crisis, shrink from the service of their country; “but I stand by it now, and I deserve the love and thanks of man, woman, and anyone wanting to find my brother still wandering in the desert. 

Oh, before you’re off to the rescue take a box of Lucky Charms with you. We all need lucky charms these days.

Crantz tells the Indy that we are all brothers during these trying times.  Be nice to each other.  And so there is no misunderstanding, I like and shop at convenience stores and love their slushies.

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