Opinion: Pet Peeves


Wave Watch

By Mark Crantz

By Mark D. Crantz

Laguna Beach just christened a new rescue boat called “Wave Watch.” The name is a good one. Certainly better than Prairie Dog. Wave Watch goes with the terrain. That’s reassuring to residents who play in the ocean. You might not venture in the great blue ocean if you knew your rescue was in the hands of a prairie dog.

I have nothing against prairie dogs. But they seem too skittish to be driving a boat. I’m not even sure they can swim. I believe their distant cousins, the sea otters can swim with the best of them. But again, I think sea otters are by nature goofy balls, who wouldn’t interrupt their playtime to save your sorry bass.

Okay then, Wave Watch, it is. I hope not to be using their services. I’ve been worn down by time. I’m a landlubber now. I’ll go in up to my ankles, but that’s it. You see, I had a bad experience in the ocean about a year ago. For some unexplained reason, I felt years younger and ventured out with my cool-looking board shorts, flippers and boogie board. I came back in with flippers and boogie board, sans bathing suit. Who knows what happened. I was wave watching, just like the boat’s name, and a hungry wave ate my suit. It was a traumatic experience that required years of therapy for the unlucky beachgoers who witnessed this eye-gouging spectacle.

My wife calls me a baby about it. She loves the ocean and still goes in. One time, the waves were rough. She was struggling some to get back in. A fellow swimmer was in more trouble near her. A Laguna lifeguard came to the fellow swimmer’s rescue. My wife asked the lifeguard, “If it’s not too much trouble with you being out here, could you save me, too?” The lifeguard was more than happy to rescue two lives for the swim out of one. That’s my wife for you. Always thoughtful and polite no matter how close to the end she is.

One of my favorite past times is to go to Dana Point and look over the names of the boats. Some are cute. Some are nautical. Others inspirational. However, my favorite was found in a Michigan marina. The name of the boat was “She Got Everything Else.” So you could surmise while she got everything else, he still managed to stay afloat.

Stay afloat, Lagunans. I’ll be watching from the beach with my pants firmly hitched up.

Crantz tells the Indy that he would never own a boat because he’s more an otter kind of guy. Otters shouldn’t drive or ride in boats.

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