Camptown Stays, Oh, de doo-da Day
A friend, or someone I thought was a friend, said to me, “Let’s go camping. Escape the rat race. Commune with nature.” I got a new friend. I happen to like the rat race. It took me years to figure out the rat maze and how to get the cheese.
Now, you ask me to immerse myself into some new and hostile environment where one wrong turn could tumble me into a poison ivy covered wasp nest. Buzz off. Your timing couldn’t be worse. I’ll wait for Congress to lower the cost of my EpiPen. Then we can revisit your camping idea. Until then, check Facebook. Your official status is “Defriended.”
So you can imagine the creepy crawlies I felt when reading the Indy article, “Overnight Camping Will Continue at The Ranch.” In 2015, the California Coastal Commission approved The Ranch’s remodeling and expansion plans contingent to incorporating a camping outreach program for nonprofit organizations serving underprivileged children. The campgrounds are located in the area once used by the Girl Scouts and the YMCA decades ago. Ranch management offers a two-acre campsite, tents, sleeping bags, and lanterns at no charge.
So far, 250 children have experienced the great outdoors of Aliso and Woods Canyon, learned about local wildlife, and explored nearby tidal pools. Management said, “To see the faces on those kids, and talk to them about their experience the morning after their camp out is to know we’re doing good things.”
I had to see this for myself. I went undercover as an old goat in Laguna’s fire prevention herd. We grazed close by and picked up on the campfire chatter. First underprivileged kid said, “When does housekeeping drop by to turn down our sleeping bags?” Second underprivileged kid, “Dunno. But I hope they put a chocolate on my pillow.” First kid laughed. “Management doesn’t provide pillows. It is bring your own. I got an extra one. Here.” Second kid grabs the pillow. “Thanks. Hey there’s writing on it. What’s it say?” “Beat juvenile diabetes. Say no to chocolate.” Second kid sighs. “Let’s switch pillows. But wait. What’s that one say?” The first kid reads, “Upgrades Now. Courtesy Coastal Commission.”
That’s when I lost sight of the two boys. They were whisked off to the best Ranch suites to spend the night. I couldn’t eavesdrop because no pets were allowed. But according to hotel gossip the two kids lived it up. They ordered room service. They set up a morning golf tee time. They reserved appointments for massages. And to management’s surprise the kids placed the tents, sleeping bags and lanterns on ebay and turned a big profit they pocketed for themselves.
I reconnected with the campers on the first tee and witnessed a miraculous transformation from underprivileged kids to over-privileged brats in just one oh, de doo da day.
Crantz tells the Indy he enjoyed his undercover work disguised as an old goat. It felt so natural.
