Uppity Times
I was surprised to find out that Indy columnist Michael Ray has been spending his time reading a lot of ancient and middle age history because he wanted to know what it was like to be alive then. He should have just called me. Ancient people got the Black Plague. Today’s people got Obamacare. Both are life changers. All’s the same.
Two themes run through Ray’s column, “Slavery in the Modern World.” People lived in tribes. And Vikings raided tribes. This finding surprised me about the Minnesota football team. I was under the misimpression that they have lost most of their away games. But according to Ray, Vikings raided tribes for crops because crops cannot be grown in Minnesota. The Vikings took these crops and then took the women to cook them. Old people were killed for insisting on eating too early. Translation, I would have been killed during ancient times for subscribing to happy hours.
My wife scheduled us on Viking Cruises to see the fjords. I urged her to cancel the trip. I tried to explain that the Vikings are nobody to mess with. And if she persisted, it was likely that she would be taken as a slave and I would be killed as an old person. She moved the booking up a month. I don’t know what to do. Hopefully, the Vikings will be raiding England during our visit to their homeland. I think I should try to get on the Viking’s good side, by forewarning them that the English may have crops but are notoriously bad cooks. Grab the English crops, leave the English women alone and be sure to “Brexit” the bounty back by staying on the left side of the road.
Ray’s column was an eye opener. Slavery was the normal human condition. From ancient Greece, through the Roman Empire, and on into the Dark Ages slavery persisted until the Enlightenment when the Energizer Bunny shed never ending light on this awful human condition. Later, The United States fought a civil war over battery patent rights.
“Now, women have risen from slavery and have brought a whole new sensibility, including kindness to politics,” as Ray points out. But Ray believes there’s been a recent backlash to this progress. Male chauvinist hatred has grown and finds in Donald Trump their champion, who shouts “Hillary is a crook,” over and over again. Ray says this repetition has created the “Hillary effect.” Ray says, “She has become so hated in America that the haters no longer can remember why they hate. They only know hating Hillary is a necessary condition for saving America. Hillary is a crook. And she’s is the ultimate uppity bitch.”
Well then, does that mean Richard Nixon was an uppity bitch, too? The ‘70s were such ancient times, that I have trouble remembering.
Crantz tells the Indy that he has agreed to go on Viking Cruises, because his wife has promised him a Viking funeral to stay warm.
