Pet Peeves

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By Mark D. Crantz
By Mark D. Crantz

No Strings Attached

Reading the recent Indy article, “Arranging More Harmony at TOW” brought back music memories. A new music building at Top of the World Elementary will break ground next June and be completed by the end of the year. End of the year? Hold that note students. Keep holding, keep holding. Don’t take a breath. Show us what you’re made of. Come on now. Your top of the world musicians. Oops. Call 911.

My music memories are nightmares. Enough years have gone by now that I can start talking about my educators’ attempts to round me out with a fine arts curriculum. It wasn’t the school district’s fault. They had the best intentions to make a “Jenny from the Block” out of me. I just didn’t want to marry that many times. I could barely handle the scales. If I remember correctly, whole notes are F, A, C, E and half notes are E, G, B, D, F. And let’s “Face” memories correctly. I was not “Every Good Boy Does Fine.” Forget Does Fine. Replace with Does Bad. A “B flat” on my face was more like it. I was destined to be the next “American Idiot.”

I played trumpet. Correction. I held trumpet. The good musicians were first seats. Middle of the road musicians were second seats. Third seats musicians filled the extra folding chairs. I didn’t get a seat. I was told to surrender my trumpet. I was given a tambourine to shake. Most music didn’t call for tambourines to shake. So for three years, I stood swaying to the music. I wasn’t a good sway-er. I didn’t feel the music I wasn’t playing. The band director kept sending me to the school nurse to make sure my tics were not contagious. I didn’t hold it against him. He had a band and its performances to protect.

I worry for TOW students like me. There’s no musical ability to nourish. Yet school administrators and teachers will try. They can’t help themselves. You can’t blame them. No one wants to be the bearer of bad news. “Son, you’ve got nothing going for you. Forget music. Forget arts. The basics aren’t reachable either. Be an architect.”

Yes, students can learn from the first architect hired to build the TOW music building. They didn’t hit the right notes. They did not submit for building approval to the Division of the State Architect. For their improvisation they received $194,860. Now, there’s a second architect. This person did the renovated high school track and field. A google search failed to find any musical ability.

So there you have it future generations. Become a first architect. Become a second architect. You can still count on a good life after high school. Just hold a T-square like you’re playing the tambourines. You’ll do fine. I just know you’ll make beautiful music. No strings attached.

Crantz tells the Indy that his mother made a lamp out of his father’s clarinet. Crantz’ trumpet is now a lamp, as well. The instruments reside in the music room. Crantz has mastered on and off.

 

 

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