Pet Peeves

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By Mark D. Crantz
By Mark D. Crantz

I live inside my head. A lot. In Laguna terms, my head is a mid-century modern with a great room. I live alone in there, but there’s plenty of space for others. I don’t hear their voices, so I’m not crazy, yet. But, I do hear my own echoes. So, I wonder if my head is a Mark Singer design?

I believe I wasn’t paying enough attention last year. Merriam-Webster Dictionary summed up 2016 in one word, “surreal.” And Wikipedia summed up Merriam-Webster Dictionary as “antiquated.” I didn’t care a wit about their war of word. What interested me was why 2016 was so different from other years?

The Indy picked up this surreal vibe in the Indy article, “Farewell to Those We Lost in ’16.” The story pointed out that many wonderful people died. The local luminaires were Roger Shew, Glen Arthur Arentz, Andy Leaf, Carl Schwarz, Bob McMenomy, Carl Post, Monique Huguette Pitz, Marc Pitz, Mark Blumenfeld, Lynda W. Nicholson, Ann Webster, Douglas C. Reilly, Dr. John M. Smart, and Terry Thomas Smith. All these Lagunans achieved much in their lifetimes and gave back even more to their community by their charitable acts.

Likewise, an overwhelming number of nationally acclaimed people passed away, too. Some of the greats were Muhammad Ali, Arnold Palmer, Gordie Howe, Glenn Frey, Prince, George Michael, Merle Haggard, David Bowie, Keith Emerson, Harper Lee, Pat Conroy, Anton Scalia, Tom Hayden, Nancy Reagan, Gary Marshall, Gene Wilder, Carrie Fisher, Debbie Reynolds, Fidel Castro and Janet Reno. These last two I always mix up because of that Cuban boy, Elian Gonzalez, who was sent the wrong way. Help me out readers. Which one was the beard, Janet or Fidel?

Now what’s really surreal is that I’m still here. This worries me. And that should worry you more. Let me explain. I always counted on others to tell me when the end of days is coming. The last time was Dec. 21, 2012. This was the end of days predicted by the Mayans. I had my bags packed and was ready to go. Then nothing happened. I unpacked and I’ve been waiting for the next prediction by someone.

But as far as I know nobody has seen any signs. Is it possible there have been signs and I didn’t notice because I was inside my head for 2016. I figured someone would have given me a heads up if there had been a drought, vanished tidal pool life, disappearing trees, dying kelp forests or news of a deconstructed village entrance.

Oops. I may have missed the up elevator. All the good ones ascended in 2016. I’m happy for them. And if you are reading this column, don’t despair. You have me for company. Just stay clear of the down button. I’ll keep a lookout for raining frogs. We’ll catch the next ride up.


Crantz tells the Indy he hasn’t heard the elevator ding, yet. He also promises when the elevator does come, he won’t hit every floor to the top.




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