Pet Peeves

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Benchwarmers

By Mark Crantz
By Mark Crantz

I felt a real pull of the heartstrings after reading the Indy’s “Bench Warms Seats, Teaches Empathy.” It’s about a hand-painted bench at El Morro Elementary where the school kids can go to when they need a buddy. Who wouldn’t be moved by that story?

Apparently IKEA.

Their furniture does not require buddies. Instead, they teach Scandinavian kids to get through life with just one tinny screwdriver and one flimsy wrench. And Swiss children are taught to forget playmates in favor of a Swiss Army knife. With over 300 tools at your disposal, there’s no need for playmates to get in the way of all your own fun. “Watch what this magnifying glass can do to the ant.”   Cool.

I didn’t have a buddy bench to go to in elementary school. Instead, we had buddy lockers. My formative years were during the 1950s when nuclear threats were in the air. The air raid siren would sound and all the kids would go in an orderly fashion to their lockers and stick their heads in. School personnel believed the lockers would preserve our heads during a nuclear blast. Perhaps. But did the teachers believe our incinerated bodies could proceed back to class in an orderly fashion? A classmate, Ted Williams, got it into his head to follow these instructions forevermore.

I’m not sure how I feel about this buddy bench. It sounds almost too good to be true. If I read things correctly, three children used the bench for this story. Nobody came up to the first girl. She did get an invite for “Jailbreak” and hasn’t been seen since. Truant officers are in pursuit and are hopeful for her safe return. The second child went to the bench to eat lunch and read a book. A fellow student came up and interrupted his solitude by eating all his chicken nuggets and then burped out how his book ended. A PAL (Peer Assistance Leadership) student approached the third child. The pal was one of 30 school children who invite the benchwarmers to join into the schoolyard play. My own childhood makes me uneasy with children who join helpful organizations. During my elementary school days there was a group called “Dollars for Scholars.” They went door to door and hit my Dad up for five bucks. I was too late in telling dad not to hand over his money to the school’s biggest hood. My Dad replied, “Not to worry. It’s protection money well spent.”

The buddy bench has been tried out in other cities, too. In Detroit, a buddy bench was stolen and taken to a chop shop and sold back to the school as cafeteria stools. Minneapolis had a different experience. The winters were so bad and long that students couldn’t use the buddy bench until August, a month before school and winter started again. Miami’s buddy bench was converted to a boat and was last seen headed to Cuba.

But in Laguna, the buddy bench seems to be working better. Inscribed on the bench are the Six Pillars of Character. These are trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring and citizenship. Complement cards are given out to students who demonstrate these fine qualities. Recently, one boy got a complement card for his honesty in reporting to his teacher that he made a mistake on the school computer. He had accidentally hacked into the nuclear launch code. The forewarning gave the teachers ample time to get the children to their buddy lockers in an orderly fashion.

 

Crantz tells the Indy that the school’s name “El Morro” is Spanish for “Test Tomorrow.” And nuclear blasts or the dog ate my homework will not be acceptable excuses.

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