Pet Peeves

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Good Luck, Neophytes

By Mark Crantz
By Mark Crantz

I felt exhausted after reading the Indy’s “The New Activists Emerge” in the Feb. 26 edition. Political neophytes are coming out of the woodwork to form political groups to get their voices heard with elected officials. Years ago, I heard a similar story about neophytes, who came to the rescue of a neo-phylum that didn’t come out of the woodwork, but ate woodwork. The neo-phylum was a super-sized termite. The place got tented. The political neophytes protested that the neo-phylum from Flint, Mich., was being forced to wash down woodwork with contaminated water. Political neophytes insisted the Flint neo-phylum be placed on the endangered species list. The elected official resisted at first, but was forced to fold up his tent. Same thing happened to Barnum and Bailey’s “The Greatest Show on Earth.” The animal kingdom protested. Therein lies the lesson. Don’t clown around with kingdoms, neophytes, neo-phylum, classes or orders. They can take down the place.

I’ve had my fill of people coming together. A lifetime of meetings will do that. Now looking back, I can’t say, “I wish I attended more meetings. Or, “I was one meeting short of great activism.” My experience taught me that people like to meet to talk and talk and talk. And meetings end the same, “The next meeting will be scheduled for Thursday because we have Fridays off.”

President Trump’s election has ignited this pushback. The election was an abrupt change. Every day Trump holds a photo op and another White House item turns to gold. The Oval Office curtains went first. Second the rug. Third the couch. And items have been added. There are gold wall sconces, gold candelabras and gold coffee tables. Only the White House TV trays are gone. There will no eating dinner in front of the TV. Fake news and Alec Baldwin are bad for digestion.

The political neophytes want town hall meetings. They want elected officials to schedule them. The neophytes won’t be denied. One activist group will send search parties and hold vigils outside the homes of California Congress members who have not scheduled town hall meetings during the congressional recess. Frightened Congress members have hired Macaulay Culkin from “Home Alone” to advise and protect their homes.

Several other activist groups planned an “activist training day” last month. Denzel Washington from the original “Training Day” was the keynote speaker. Some activists have complained that Washington perished in the movie and sends out the wrong message. But an organizer of the event countered, “We passed over Gerard Butler from the movie ‘300’ that tells the tale of 300 Spartans’ battle against 300,000 Persians. That movie ended way worse with 299 fatalities compared to only one in ‘Training Day’.”

I think my activist days are over. I was active during the ‘60s and ‘70s. I joined “The Weathermen.” I had a keen interest in meteorology. Imagine my surprise when I discovered the group wanted to overthrow the U.S. government. I just wanted to know how to predict rain so I knew when to take my umbrella to class. So, this time I’ll take a Metamucil pause mixed with a beer. Good luck, neophytes.

 

Crantz tells the Indy that the Metamucil pause has been good for him. Crantz’ cholesterol and blood pressure are lower. And his wife tented the house with him in it to help him along.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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