Rongo Brothers
When I was growing up…scratch that. I never grew much. So, when I was a little boy before I became a little man, I knew brothers named Rongo. They loved airplanes. Making paper airplanes. Building model airplanes. And flying remote controlled airplanes. The boys looked heavenward and their parents dealt with their earthbound fallout. The Rongo brothers crashed these passions into a lot of neighborhood homes. As one neighbor explained, “Two Rongos do not make Wright brothers.” The Rongo brothers were grounded and grew up to own a chain of junk food stores, named Hole Foods, after their second passion, doughnuts.
I was reminded of this boyhood story after reading Indy’s “Pressure Rises in Fight Over Flights.” Some 400 South County residents packed Laguna Niguel City Hall for a town hall meeting on the changes of flight paths to and from John Wayne airport. Fortunately the Rongo brothers were visiting me and agreed to be my stowaways on the proceedings.
Hidden above the city hall drop ceiling, the Rongos reported back that the room held three seating sections, right, center and left. There were three seats per section. No residents took the middle seat. Before the meeting began, county supervisors instructed residents to turn off phones and lap tops. One person did. He was escorted out of the meeting for suspicious non-conforming activity. He was held without bond for not being able to show avatar identification or three alibi emojis.
The order of business was to discuss the increasing number of flight plans flying over South Orange County, including Laguna Beach. Residents say that lower altitude flights are creating more noise and pollution. One resident proclaimed, “I saw people in the airplane windows.” Further testimony revealed that the passenger he saw in the window seat was his wife next to the middle seat occupied by his BFF headed for Las Vegas, where what happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas, unless the true flight plan is revealed at Laguna’s “Topple of the World.”
Adverse environmental impact is now the basis of a lawsuit filed by the county, Laguna Beach, Newport Beach and one sad middle age guy at Topple of the World against the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) over its NextGen initiative, a result of modernization goals that include satellite navigation. The initiative encourages airlines to fly more efficient routes while burning less fuel. Other goals include shuttling cheating spouses to and from Las Vegas, which creates unscheduled emergency NextGen offspring landings. The FAA has won a change of venue to Washington DC, where NextGen is a federally accepted flight plan of heredity and food stamps.
John Wayne Airport representatives suggested residents use a new smartphone application that tracks low flying spouses, mile high club altitude confirmation and tail numbers to track origin and destination.
The Rongo brothers are back working hard expanding their junk food chain and waistlines. I thank them for their investigative efforts on Laguna’s behalf.
