I tried not to panic over the Indy story “Lawsuit Contests Hotel Laguna Lease.” Hotel operators allege being illegally forced out by the property owners. The property owners counter that checkout is next year at noon. I panicked having just booked my great-great-great granddaughter’s wedding there. The reservation is 99 years and a day from now. Invitations have been sent. The wedding registry is established with the only retailer left standing, Amazon. Wedding gifts are pouring in. There’s no turning back. How could I possibly explain to my great-great-great granddaughter that her wedding has been cancelled because the hotel operator has been terminated? She doesn’t have ears yet.
The current hotel operator says they’ve been kept in the dark. A representative explains, “They are refusing to give us any information about the agreement so that we can determine what to do with the hotel, the employees, the tenants, the guests. This has caused a lot of business interruptions to my client because of the uncertainty.” A psychologist not treating either party in the decoupling process recommends following the exit instructions on the back of the hotel room doors.
Family and friends believe I’m overreacting to my great-great-great granddaughter’s wedding reservation. My son says, “What’s the worse that can happen? The wedding gets cancelled. The gifts are returned. Your descendants exhume your body, tie the remains to the wedding car’s back bumper with the sign in the rear window that reads, “Just Not Married. Rest In Pieces Great-Great-Great Grandpa.”
Yep, that’s what I fear most, being strewn years in the future all over Coast Highway. There’s no way self-driving cars have been programmed to avoid my fallout. I can see it now in the future Indy. “Dead Guest Columnist Run Over Again.” A future reader will comment, “I wish it happened sooner. His columns killed my ancestors slowly week in week out. Their old Facebook pages (still active: not cancellable) state, “Pet Peeves was that annoying tune I couldn’t get out of my head.” Another Facebook posting read, “Luckily, my ancestors were spared from Pet Peeves. They were illiterate. I was the first family member that learned to read.” However, due to increasing requests to become illiterate from literates subjected to reading Pet Peeves, future educators finally banned Pet Peeves from all reading lists in the cloud. Oprah Winfrey took back her ‘Column of the Millennial’ seal of approval.
Wow. There’s a lot at stake here. There’s my great-great-great granddaughter’s wedding and my legacy to worry about. What to do? I need a backup plan. And there was the answer right across the street. “Hello, city hall. I’d like to make a wedding reservation 99 years and a day from now. Yes, that’s right. Please book me for Lower Park Avenue Plaza. I hear it’s a great gathering place.”
Crantz tells the Indy that he’ll rest in peace knowing that the Laguna Park Avenue parklet will be there forevermore.