“Testing. Testing. Testing. Lower Park Avenue is opened again. The Plaza is gone. Calling all library patrons. This bullhorn announcement is for you. Return library books now. You are overdue. Other people want the book that you’re reading. The library staff will not accept excuses that books cannot be returned because you can’t drive to the library. The Plaza is gone. The road is opened.”
Several hours pass. “Hello. Hello. Hello. Is anybody out there? We need you to return those overdue library books now. The Plaza is gone. Please collect the books, get in your cars and drive right through to the library. Others are waiting for the books you have. Your fellow neighbors have been on hold long enough. The natives are restless.”
Lunchtime is approaching. “1,2,3. Where are you? No books have been returned. Your inaction is a cause for concern. The library staff is having a hard time. Without returns they have nothing to do. Busy hands make idle minds. Hurry now. Without returns, idle hands are the devil’s playground. Oh, and on your way here, please stop and pick up 1 gyro wrap and two Laguna falafels at Adonis restaurant at 202 Park Ave. I’ll pay you back when you get here.”
Happy Hour is almost here. “Listen up. I want my happy hour drink. I haven’t seen one library book today. The librarians are talking smack about you. These are the same people who haven’t spoken in years here. Your inaction cannot be tolerated any longer. The librarians have armed themselves with pointy scissors. You have 15 minutes to get here. No more excuses. Time is up. Move. Move. Move.”
It’s dinnertime. “Warning. Warning. Warning. The librarians are on the move. They are coming for you and your books. They are armed and dangerous. Your library card is in jeopardy. You’ve gone too far. The librarians are intent to cut up your library card in front of you and family. You do not want to go down like this in front of the children. It will make a terrible impression on them and will require years of extensive therapy. Avoid those costs. Pack up the family now. Flee. Flee. Flee.”
It’s closing time at the library. “Hark. Hark. Hark. The avenging librarians return victorious with armfuls of late overdue library books. Friends of the Library greet them with cheers at an impromptu gathering convened at the last minute at the lower Park Plaza. Librarians and supporters delirious and overwhelmed with victory do not realize the closed Plaza is opened to traffic again.
Plaza supporters come to the rescue. They link hands together becoming a human street barrier and sway and sing to “We are the world, we are the children, we are the ones who make a brighter day…”
Crantz tells the Indy that his library card was cut up. He holds no hard feelings towards librarians. They were just doing their jobs.