Pet Peeves

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Fork in the Road

by Mark D. Crantz
by Mark D. Crantz

I read Indy’s, “Pedestrian Plaza Moves Ahead” before my morning cup of coffee.  Big mistake. I was totally confused. I had a cup of coffee. I reread the article.  I was still totally confused. I had a second cup of coffee. I reread the article.  I was totally confused and hyped up on caffeine. I had a third cup of coffee. I reread the article.  I had an epiphany and ran straight to the bathroom to relieve it. It was there that I decided morning tea was the right decision.

I’m still up in the air about Park Plaza. A city spokesman said, “About two thirds of community feedback has been in opposition of the plaza, which doesn’t account for comments sent directly to council members.”  A Transition Laguna spokesman cited a city survey of random people, two-thirds who expressed support for the plaza.  “That’s real quantitative evidence.”  So I ask, which is it, the second city survey of random people or the first city survey of people, not designated random or organized?  Back to the bathroom I go to throw tea in my harbor.

Well, there seems to be a fork in the road.  The city apparently didn’t see the fork and ran right over it to okay city staff to begin the design process for a permanent or a semi-permanent Park Plaza. What? I didn’t catch that semi permanent bit.  I sure don’t want to go to the new plaza and suddenly find the plaza reopened to traffic.  I’ll end up just like the fork in the road.  I better go back and reread it again.

Oh, I feel so stupid. The semi permanent plaza will just be shortened by 25 feet to save three or four parking spaces, bike racks and a no kill pedestrian zone to flee to when the plaza is randomly reopened for traffic.

City staff will now begin the design process, to incorporate a plaza element in the Downtown Specific Plan process and to move forward over and over the fork in the road with approved traffic improvements to incorporate spoons and knifes to complete a full cutlery set for 50 random or organized plaza goers.

City staff advises that the design process in choosing road/plaza cutlery could take 12-18 months.  The process will be longer if salad forks, butter knifes and monogramed napkins are added. Lastly, the city requires an etiquette permit process to teach residents when and how to run over the cutlery. City staff is hopeful the plaza will be opened before the village entrance is completed in 3050.

Wow. Forget coffee or tea.  I’ll switch to beer for breakfast, with my pinkie finger extended, of course.  Good table/road manners are important.

Crantz tells the Indy when there’s a fork in the road look to see if someone is holding it.  Safety first.

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