Pet Peeves

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Go-Go Art

By Mark Crantz
By Mark Crantz

I felt a real connection when reading the Indy’s “Restoration Underway on City’s Oldest Art.”  I need restoration, too. My physical deterioration has become more noticeable as the years pile on.  Just the other day a seagull got me on my Laguna hat.  I know how these art pieces feel.

I have it better than most sculptures around town.  I can still move about.  Sure I’m slower and creakier than before, but most importantly, I’m still moving.  But not fast enough to get away from my personal restorers.  My wife said the other day, “Have you thought about dyeing your hair?”  I yelled, “What, did you say?” due to the great distance she creates, as a younger person, on our walks.  She shouted back her question.  I answered.  “There’s no point.  I’m losing my hair faster than I can dye it.”  A pregnant pause later she concluded.  “That may be better.  You’ll have that older baby look.  At least our May to December romance will be back in the same year.”

The latest sculpture to be vandalized is “Boy and Dog,” a pint size bronze sculpture by Ruth Peabody.  It’s located on a flagstone pedestal near Jahraus Park in North Laguna.  A visit with retired Professor Tom Osborne, our local expert on all things old, mothballed and historical in southern California, revealed to me that Jahraus Park was originally Jurassic Park.  He explained, “Ten gazillion years ago dinosaurs roamed the area we now know as Jahraus Park.  Originally scientists believed a meteorite hit wiped out these oversized pets.” However, Professor Osborne clarified that documents recently given to him by his dear colleague, Indiana Jones, reveals the dinosaurs demise was caused by small minded politicians, who took back thousands of square miles of protected parks and federal lands for purposes of strip mining, drilling and holding the “Greatest Show on Earth” political rallies.

Okay. Okay. Let’s set the record straight.  I confess that my visit to Tom Osborne’s house never happened.  Unfortunately, Harrison Ford was taking me there when we had a near miss at John Wayne Airport. Otherwise the visit would have happened. I swear.  If it isn’t the truth, may a seagull’s do-do hit me, again.

Damn. This Laguna hat is my favorite. But allow me readers to bust just one more myth.  It appears that the “Boy and Dog” sculpture was incorrectly titled.  The sculptor had her daughter in mind and used a female model in its origination.  I can relate to misidentification.  Repeatedly at eateries all over Laguna, wait staff come up from behind my wife and me and say, “What can I get you ladies?”   And yes readers, it’s super annoying to be of slight build.  So, I ask you, “What would you do?”

Oh, the heck with it.  I’ll tell you what I wish I could do-do all over their…I can’t of course.  I can’t fly.  So, I just keep go-going ahead of the restorers.

 

Crantz tells the Indy that his hat is at the cleaners and will be ready Tuesday next week or the Indy deadline.

 

 

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