Eight candidates running for Laguna Beach City Council made their cases at a forum sponsored by Village Laguna. The usual issues were discussed. What to do with Laguna Canyon? Should we raise taxes to bury utilities? But when the issue of how good a job the village manager was doing, it became apparent that the Village Laguna forum sponsor was actually from Laguna Niguel. The wrong candidates had gone to the wrong forum. A few Laguna Woods candidates were also present at the confused affair.
A do-over was scheduled for later this month. A Russian scalper outside the forum who had bought resident votes shouted in vain to get his money back. He relented and then promised to get more cash from Moscow to buy the right votes for the right Laguna.
Other concerned citizen groups were also in attendance. Two elderly residents from Susi Q held a sign that read, “Me Two Bowel Movements.” Four younger residents held a sign next to the two Susi Q seniors that read, “We apologize for our Grandpas.” Another group estimated in the millions passed around a sign that read, “Where do we park? Tourists deserve spaces.”
In the end, everyone was disappointed to have gone to the wrong forum. Social energy driving raised voices for social change dissipated quickly when the issue Measure P was raised. No one knew what Measure P was about. The political savvy lowered their strident voices to whisper amongst themselves. “Measure P?” asked Political Activist #1. Political Activist #2 answered, “It comes after Measure O and before Measure Q.” Political Activist #1 replied, “Good to know where we stand, but then again, where do we stand? For or Against?” A nearby political science student drowning in student debt and there to write a school paper to later sell to his rich roommates came to the activists’ rescue. “Measure P is about raising the Laguna sales tax 1 percent to bury utilities.” Political Activists #1 and #2 looked at each other and concluded, “Oh, Laguna taxes. Good. We don’t shop there. We’re in support. Make it 2 percent for all we care. So long as they don’t tax Costco. That’s where we go.”
Social media buzz was in support of Measure P. Social activists and political neophytes who had mastered living in their parents’ basements and dedicated to having their lives tweeted many levels up were hopeful that the political movers and shakers were running out of alphabet letters to tax by. Measure P was the sixteenth letter, leaving only 10 more money-raising letters for parents to absorb. Then…Peautiful…it will be their turn. Raises in allowance. What a tweet.”
Crantz tells the Indy that he is an absentee voter. He’s totally absent-headed when it comes to politics.