Pet Peeves

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634

Bingo

by Mark D. Crantz

Recently, the Suzi Q Senior Center hosted a forum dedicated to seniors. Ten candidates for City Council debated senior housing, assisted living centers, public transportation and other topics affecting Laguna’s older population. When asked if there were any questions, a senior yelled, “Bingo.” Another senior chirped in, “No, she didn’t. There haven’t been any letters called.” A third senior corrected, “Letters, numbers? Mabel just won the Powerball.” A melee broke out over who would win the winner’s heart. One suitor spit his teeth out in frustration to get close to her. The police were called in to restore order.  The response time was four minutes. By the time police got there, everyone was asleep.  The police turned out the lights.

Politicians are sensitive to senior citizens. They want the best for them. Their health matters more than the general electorate. The question that lingers in minds of politicians is whether this audience will make it to the November election to vote. It’s a political crapshoot. Some politicians believe senior forums are a must-go-to event. Other politicians believe senior forums are a waste of time. One political pundit who wished to remain anonymous because his grandmother reads the Indy said, “Senior citizen forums are the worst. Old people are grouchy. They’ve seen and heard it all. They don’t believe a thing we tell them. And they have a point. Every time they become eligible for social security the government says, “Happy Birthday. Here’s 64 birthday smacks and one to grow on until your eligible for social security.” Seniors aren’t dumb. They know what’s coming. “Happy Birthday. Here’s 65 birthday smacks and one to grow on until your eligible for social security.” The majority of seniors are frustrated. They’re at the tipping point. Like anybody else, they have the constitutional right to bear arms. Up until now, politicians have been lucky. As one senior put it, “I’m embarrassed to bear arms. They flap in the wind. All it gets me is a candidate’s wave back. Vote for me.”

Politicians know what seniors want to hear. Free everything said loud, very loud.  Politicians shout at seniors believing all seniors can’t hear them. If they took the time not to generalize, they would realize that most seniors hear just fine. They feign deafness, which is a survival trait they’ve developed over time. “Grandpa you have a lot of money. Right? Leave it to me. I don’t want to waste my life working hard and then end up looking like you. How about some applesauce?”

The Suzi Q forum ended with one candidate’s closing remarks. “B4…” Me in November never got heard. The place erupted in a chorus of “Bingos.” The police were called back.  Response time was three minutes. Although better by a minute, the seniors were fast asleep. No charges were filed. The lights were turned out again.

 

Crantz tells the Indy that Bingo isn’t his game. Senior Twister is his thing.

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