Pet Peeves

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Dogs Playing Poker

By Mark D. Crantz

It was penny ante poker night. The pot was up to $2. A player raised it $250,000. “Dog gone it. I’m out,” barked one. Another howled, “Too rich for me.” The last player whimpered, “Oops. Made me piddle.”

Everybody at City Council called it a night before Laguna owners noticed the accident. Big dog, Mo Honarkar, had raised the stakes by offering $250,000 to the city of Laguna to expedite the building approval process. The overture amounted to releasing a cat in the Laguna Dog Park.

Pandemonium broke out. “That’s a bribe,” growled one. Others shouted, “You can’t do that here.” A couple mixed up mutts growled, “You want to be Top Cat go to Barstow.”

It was too much to swallow. The fur ball offer would soon gag the room. Cooler heads prevailed. The offer was tabled and would be discussed for another day.

Now we wait. It feels like dog days. The more we think about our owners, the longer it seems before they will come home and do right by us. They better hurry because we have to piddle soon and isn’t that what got us here in the first place? The top dog piddled. I think you can’t eat where you piddle. Right?

Accidents happen. The offer was described as a donation. It smelled bad like a bribe. The Top Dog said it wasn’t a bribe. He was just paying forward for all the fees and costs associated with his six upcoming development projects. He suggested some of the money could be used to hire more city planners to make the process go faster. He was just trying to help. He wasn’t marking his territory.

Now we know, but still have to wait for our owners to get home. It would be good if they hurried because we got to piddle even more. The need to piddle is growing and growing.  We can’t think about anything else, but the need to piddle right now.

“Please, please get home City Council and give us relief. None of us want to have another accident. Piddle once, shame on you. Piddle twice, shame on us.”

Crantz tells the Indy that at the City Council’s next “Meet & Greet,” don’t bring a cat.  Better to bring cleaning products for all the piddled-off dogs that will be attending.




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