Pet Peeves

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Slip Sliding Away

by Mark D. Crantz

Whoosh goes kids down the slide. Whoosh goes $47,000 more taxpayer money down the slide with them. Recently, City Council voted unanimously to fix the Bluebird Park slide.  City Council members know that happy young bums are happy future voter bums sooner than you think. “Weeee,” screamed Toni and crew, as they look forward to commemorating her 100 years in office, while simultaneously celebrating the opening of Laguna’s second roundabout to be located at the bottom of the Bluebird slide. Not all Laguna residents are pleased, and they have registered their concerns about possible children pileups at the bottom. Laguna kids think it will be cool and promise to vote for Toni, as soon as they can.

Whew, what fun we have in spending public money. Disneyland was the first organization to figure out that you can buy a child’s happiness, if you have enough money. I’ve been there. A mere $1,000 to get into Disneyland and the grandkids say to me, “We love you Pop-Pop.” This declaration of love is followed eight hours later with, “We hate you Pop-Pop. You promised us toys.” Love is expensive. You’ve got to keep spending money to keep the love alive.

I told my grandkids a favorite joke of mine while visiting Bluebird Park. “Kids, do you know why your butt crack is vertical and not horizontal? Well if your butt crack was horizontal, you would go bilpblipblipblip down the slide. (Or for challenged readers out there, just put your index finger between your lips, move it up and down and blow out.  That’s the sound. Got it?) Well, my grandkids did. “You’re funny Pop-Pop. We love you.” Do it on your next grandchildren visit at Bluebird Park. It’s a winner. And if you run for public office later, they will be sure to vote for you, too.

What price for love? It seems steep at $47,000 to fix a slide. For some residents it seems our taxpayer money is slip, sliding, away. But do we want to be cheap and take the chance that future generations will refuse to hang pictures showing us in weird looking bathing suits on their restaurant and bar walls. I don’t know about you, but my beach pictures are ready to go. And they’re stunning.

Honestly, I don’t know whether to slide or not to slide? A $47,000 fix is a lot to ask. I try to weigh my decision on slide memories. Okay, I’ve given it some thought. Honestly, most slides were a disappointment. They never went fast enough. More often than not, I would find myself stuck halfway down. So to overcome disappointment, I would climb the slides instead and entertain myself using the slide in a way the designers never intended.

So, I’ve come to a decision. Please save the $47,000 boxes the slide comes in. I’ll play in those. You’ve got my vote.


Crantz tells the Indy that he liked Seesaws better. As the smallest kid, it was all ups and no downs for him.










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