Pet Peeves

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May the Force…

By Mark Crantz

News outlets across the country pulled our town over to look into our new police cruisers design. We used to have white vehicles with blue lettering. Now we have black vehicles with red, white and blue lettering. Some people like the new look. Others do not. One resident said, “I’ve been pulled over by both. A ticket is a ticket. I’d rather see the police get rid of their cars in favor of bicycles. I can outrun a bike no matter what color they are. And no cheating. They can’t be electric bikes. My car is old and pre-Carfax approved.”

I’m surprised by the hubbub. By most news reports, residents seem divided by the lettering and not the color. Those in favor find the red, white and blue patriotic. Those not in favor zero in on the red used in the letters ICE at the end of police. These naysayers are now being rounded up and loaded in Chrysler caravans to be relocated south of the border. Their children have been separated and sent to Laguna Beach sister cities for sanctuary.

A police spokesman explains that the new overall black color aligns the city’s vehicles with other Orange County municipalities’ police vehicles. A repeat insider who has ridden in the backseat of both the old white and the new black cruisers says he overheard Laguna personnel say the department had to match their colors with other towns if they ever wanted to get parade invitations, again. An undercover cop said, “Quit looking at me. I’m working. You’ll blow my cover. Put your hands down. You’re not under arrest.” He whispered, “The real reason we wanted a new color scheme was to quit being confused with the community design review vehicles. Those guys always get their cars keyed and the tires slashed.”

I have a different idea why the vehicles have caused so much controversy. Answer this test question. What super star would you put in the new black vehicle and whom would you put in the old white vehicle? Your choices are Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker.

Yes, I took my own test and I’m now heading south in a caravan of others who flunked the test, as well. Feel bad for me. The gossip going around the deportees is the cartels pick the colors down here. Yikes. Pray for us.

And for those of you still lucky to be north of the border, may the Force be with you, no matter what the color scheme.

Crantz tells the Indy that Darth Vader is not his father. Rick Moranis from Mel Brooks’ movie ‘Spaceballs’ is the likely candidate. The DNA test is due back next week. 

 

 

 

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