Pet Peeves

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War Drums

By Mark Crantz

Can you hear it? Is it motorcycles on Coast Highway? Or, is it emergency vehicles? Maybe, it’s tourists’ car alarms? No. No. No. The new sound is war drums. And there are two sets of percussions. One is Village Laguna. The other is Liberate Laguna. Shoot. I’d prefer it be Laguna’s Foo Fighters. They have a beat. These new guys are just banging pots and pans at each other.

You expect discordant sounds coming from your teenager’s room. It’s a rite of passage. Bang. Bang. “Hear me.” Bang. Bang. “Look at me.” Bang. Bang. “I’m acting out.” Bang. Bang. “Here’s my new band. Oops. Where are the groupies? No groupies. Okay then, sign me up for accounting classes at community college, right after I take this drum set out to the trash.”

We should be so lucky if Village Laguna and Liberate Laguna grow out of it. But instead, they look to be growing into a burgeoning rock and roll (over everybody) tour to promote their new albums. Village Laguna’s new album is called “Designs on You.” Liberate Laguna is finalizing tracks on “No Designs on Me,” with a free track download, “Butt Out.”

Village Laguna wants to keep Laguna Beach quaint and true to our roots. They are against overbuilding. Liberate Laguna wants Laguna Beach to grow with less restriction. They’re different sounds. One’s a lullaby handed down unchanged from generation to generation. The other sound is a rap with new lyrics to be handed down to future generations. What’s the right sound for you?

I don’t know which sound is right. I do know, as a senior citizen, I like Laguna’s “No Noise Ordinance.” Ah, the sound of silence. The only sound will be the wind whooshing through my empty head. Very relaxing. I believe I’ll start a band and cut an album of empty tracks. It will be a new form of wind carried therapy located in your own mind’s isolation tank. As you listen to nothing, you’ll feel the City Council, the builders, the consultants, the activists, one and all, just disappear. And then in their absence there will be adequate parking, grandfathering notwithstanding.

I’m on to something here. I just know it. In fact, I’m throwing down my invisible, non-noise making drumsticks and I challenge Village Laguna and Liberate Laguna to a band showdown. Bring it on. May the best band win.

Crantz tells the Indy that his band showdown challenge does not require senior groupies showing up. In fact, four out of five doctors recommend resting instead.



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