Pet Peeves

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By Mark D. Crantz

I love the Slice Pizza and Beer restaurant. It’s the only place on the planet where I’ve shown my driver’s license and had a good thing happen. “Okay sir, thanks for showing me your license. At Slice, we don’t give out speeding tickets or pat you down for security reasons. Instead, please take this bracelet that unlocks 18 taps of beer. Drink up. Have fun. And just in case you have too much fun, we’ve already put your name on the liver transplant list.”

Wow…I’m no restaurant critic, but Slice is a slice of heaven. Forget three stars and that Michelin guide guy, who looks like he’s personally cleaned out all the food from every restaurant on Earth. Obviously, Mother Michelin never told him about the starving kids in Africa. May have been a good thing. He’d probably eat them, too.

I read in the Indy that the eatery is promoting the work of local artists by displaying their designs on their pizza boxes. Just recently, Slice announced the release of their second artist designed boxes. Grubhub lost the first 30,000 designed boxes in delivery and that required a box do-over.

“That’s not true,” corrected a Slice employee. “Some customer started that awful rumor. I remember that night. This customer went through all 18 taps and started talking out of his head. You know the customer looked a lot like you. Have you ever been here before?” “Ahh, no comment. Remember, I’m the reporter here and I ask the questions. Not you. Let’s move on.”

The first artist designed a drawing that shows hands helping and hands holding. Her inspiration is meant to calm the current divisive public dialog by being friendly and supportive on a personal level. On the inside lid of the box is a quote from Mother Teresa, “If we have no peace, it is because Ann Christoph refuses to change her Indy picture.” The Slice employee heard enough. “Not true. I know who you are. I just found your driver’s license right here. Get out you rumormonger.”

I still love the Slice, even if they don’t love me back. To try to get back into their good graces of hops, I’m making this suggestion based on what my mother once told me. “Don’t judge a pizza by its cover.” So, let’s have a friendly inside-the-box pizza topping competition. Okay, then. Pretend the final round of competitors are Ann Christoph versus Peter Blake. Let’s see their topping creations. Ann Christoph has added healthy vegetables from the community south side garden. Now let’s look at Peter Blake’s inspiration. His pizza is also a healthy vegetable pizza, but it’s been jammed into a Chinese food delivery carton and when unfolded can be used as a plate for additional parking spaces. Now that’s outside the box thinking. Ah, but where’s the meat? Judges? Arby’s?

 

Crantz tells the Indy that pizza is a close second to beer, whatever kind of container it comes in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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