Pet Peeves


Reality Check

By Mark D. Crantz

I was running late. I jumped off the trolley and hurried to the house. I threw off my jacket and shoes, put on my favorite cardigan sweater and tennis shoes. I quick stepped my way into the kitchen and ran smack dab into Mrs. Rogers who said, “Won’t you be my neighbor?”

After apologizing to Mrs. Rogers and exchanging Fred’s sweater and shoes for my own clothing, I went next door to my house to read the Indy article, “Neighborhood Trolley Service Continued for Another Year.” Unbelievable. Was this make-believe? I swore reading a couple weeks ago that the neighborhood trolley services were scuttled due to low ridership. I needed a reality check. It seemed that dozens of residents turned out to appeal to the city council to keep the trolleys going. Residents explained the trolley service was needed for seniors, students and residents without cars. Council members were moved by the heartfelt presentations. So, city council switched tracks and rejected city staffer’s earlier proposal to cut trolley services to the Top of the World, Blue Bird Canyon and Arch Beach Heights.

City staffers fumed about the reversal. “Our ridership numbers do not support continuing the service.” City council members were peeved at the outburst and wanted to move the agenda along. A second motion was made to add another trolley line to Guatemala. The staffers took the inaugural ride out of town. They were heard shouting promises to go no further than the wall and return shortly for their pensions.

With the staffers on their way, city council got back to business. “The staffers were out of line. While we agree they had deportation coming, we need to be sure that next year’s ridership grows. Any suggestions?” Peter Blake was first to the rescue. “I’ll do my part by putting my house on the Charm House tour.” The audience was stunned into silence. No one knew what to say to the unexpected offer. The church-like quiet ensued for some time until Skip Hellewell finding meaning to this development, jumped up and proclaimed, “Hallelujah. Amen.”

Not to be out liberated, Ann Christoph offered to have her migrant workers ride the trolley during the marijuana harvest at the South Community garden. Supporters explained that a successful harvest was needed to raise funds quickly to buy the land coveted by Mo’s Laguna Beach Company. “We will not stand idle and let our beloved community lot be turned into Green Acres Hotel and Casino. “

Silence ensued. All heads turned towards Peter Blake waiting for his trademark reaction. He stood, cleared his throat and burst out, “The wheels of the trolley go round and round, round and round…” Everyone joined in.

Crantz tells the Indy this column is make-believe. His trolley never stops at Reality. Check?

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