Window Treatments
I have a confession to make. I’m a busybody. Nobody likes busybodies. My shrink diagnosed me as a busybody in our first hourly session. Made me mad. So in our second session, I retaliated by pointing out the doctor’s own mental health issues and the reason why I invited his immediate family to this second session. The intervention was necessary. My problem could wait until his was sorted out. He got quite unprofessional and referred me to psychic reader who operates in the grayer area of the Hippocratic oath to do no harm.
After relieving me of much of my cash, the psychic reader suggested I play it forward and stick my nose in the next guy’s business. It’s not right to cut off your nose to spite your face, but that’s just what I’ve risked doing after sniffing out an Indy story about the City Council reversing its decision and not allowing art at Main Beach.
Laguna Beach is known as an art colony. Or maybe I heard wrong because my Jimmy Durante size nose overcame my other senses and what I really heard was Laguna Beach is an ant colony. “There are rules that every ant must follow. Don’t place art here or over there either. And remember, ants aren’t allowed at picnics on Main Beach. The General Plan does not permit art of any form at Main Beach, or the area demarcated as “Window to the Sea.”
“Sea Breeze,” the winning bronze sculpture has been denied catching any sea breeze at Main Beach. The artist, Suki Dail said that his wife was his inspiration. A cultural spokesman argued that the lithe nine foot, eight inch sculpture would not hinder, but rather enhance the public’s viewing experiences. The spokesperson, who stands in at 10 feet, 10 inches tall, says that she has unobstructed views to Japan. Since the council’s reversal, Dail’s wife has been mistaken for the statute and has been escorted off the boardwalk for impersonating a permanent piece of art. A confused Ohio tourist looking for the Trump casino thought she overheard Mrs. Dail say, “It’s so exasperating, I have to keep moving or take the chance of being placed further and further up the canyon.” (The confused Ohio tourist, Mrs. Dail, or Trump couldn’t be reached for confirmation.)
“Deep Brush,” a city hall confidential source believes the placement of the sculpture has nothing to do with the General Plan. The council’s original approval was based on the understanding that the artist was Dali not Dail. Council members believed they were approving the work of Salvador Dali, the great Spanish artist. One council member was overheard saying, “Both artists have artsy mustaches. It was a simple case of mistaken identity. Once we learned that one was dead and one was living, we didn’t dilly dail about it. “Sea Breeze” was our choice.
There may be a silver lining to finding a new home for “Sea Breeze.” The Marine Room Tavern has offered to take the sculpture to honor one of its most popular drinks named Sea Breeze. It’s made with vodka, cranberry and grapefruit juice, garnished with a lime wedge. Patrons assure us that it’s mighty refreshing and makes the drinker feel 10 feet tall and able to catch the summer breeze all the way from Japan. Now that’s good window treatment. Cheers.
Mark is a transplant to Laguna from Chicago. He occasionally writes the guest column “Pet Peeves.” His recently deceased Border Collie, Pokey, is his muse and ghostwriter.
