Pet Peeves

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Waiting for GoDOT

 

By Mark D. Crantz
By Mark D. Crantz

I read the Indy story, “Riders Overwhelm South-Route Trolley,” as I waited for a south route trolley at the corner of Diamond and Coast Highway. Also, I finished all the Indy stories in the Oct. 23 edition plus the book “Moby Dick.” I’m saving “Atlas Shrugged” and the “Fountainhead” for the ride back. So, I’d like to thank the Department of Transportation (DOT) for making me better informed about my community and the world at large. Without the extra wait and this book learning experience, my own column wouldn’t be as deep, meaningful and uplifting to others, who wait at various trolley stops with hope to be picked up some time in the summer of 2016.

Hope springs eternal. City staff said this year’s ridership declined to 656,939 compared to 704,337 in 2014. Laguna math (that’s subtraction, no geometry) 47,398 people are now stranded until next summer when the city and consultants have promised to figure out a way to get these people to their destinations. Meanwhile, Friends of the Library are trying to mobilize a bookmobile to provide reading material to the stranded. Details are now being worked out on how to collect overdue book fines before next summer. A library contact requesting anonymity whispered, “We just can’t send that many books out there all at once. We need to have a penalty system in place for people we believe can’t return them because they’re stranded, of course.”

Who can save these people from these huge library fines? Insider information exchanged for breadcrumbs with Main Beach stool pigeons, tell us the city has secretly activated the bat signal over the “L” above the high school. Hopefully, this action will get word to the deputy city manager and transit manager about the mobilization disaster. According to the mayor, these two are considered the Batman and Robin of Laguna transportation. Unfortunately, Batman and Robin have not returned the signal. Barstool experts from the Marine Room Tavern believe Batman and Robin are two of thousands stranded without a ride to the rescue.

Matters can only go from bad to worse. “These trolley stops are not made to hold thousands of people,” explained a concerned resident in the quiet zone above Mozambique. “The noise is becoming intolerable. I’d rather have more bands. I didn’t realize how good we had it. At least the bands had rhythm and lyrics to their noise. I can’t say the same for the stranded.”

Due to the noise concerns, city officials lifted the decibel maximum and activated an emergency ordinance or belt to deal with the problem. Reluctantly, the council agreed to temporarily use chartreuse for the belt name, having run out of all other crayon colors. Executives at Crayola Crayons have assured the city to have more color selections before the summer of 2016. This assurance was met with a sigh of relief from council members concerned about looking good.

 

Meanwhile, Mark has promised to reprint all of his Pet Peeve columns to provide reading material to the stranded in order to pass the time until a permanent color can be delivered. Mark also agreed to waive the two-week library overdue fines. Some things are just meant to be keepsakes.  

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