Laguna Checkout
There was a knock on the door. “Candy-gram.” No response from inside. Then another knock followed by a second “Candy-gram” greeting. The hotel guest wasn’t buying it. “Go away,” the guest yelled. It was a standoff. Hours passed by. Noon checkout came and went and the hotel guest refused to go. Authorities were called in to deal with the recalcitrant visitor. The police helicopter circled overhead to cover possible escape attempts. Hours passed. The guest refused hundreds of candy-gram knockings. Other hotel guests liked candy and answered their doors. These guests were quickly dispatched and eaten by a 20-foot tall land shark. Pacific Marine Mammal Center was called in for professional advice. The volunteers were dispatched and eaten before rendering any.
The Casa del Camino was under siege. Cress Street was closed off with yellow tape. Tape lettering advised passersby to beware of “Wet Odorous Paint.” A temporary roundabout was erected to redirect traffic back to where it had come from. The first redirected guy was overheard saying, “What am I doing back at home. I meant to be at Jack in the Box for breakfast. There’s no value menu at home.”
The Laguna Greeter waved frantically to keep up with swelling crowds now stuck in the roundabout. “Welcome. Happy Laguna. Donate to my documentary before you go.” Additional traffic personnel were called in from the Third Street project. Not trained on roundabout traffic correction, the well meaning cops sent all traffic to the first redirected guy’s house instead of Jack in the Box. People demanded a value priced breakfast from him. It didn’t help that the first guy looked just like Jack right down to the pointed hat. People accused him of holding their breakfast hostage. A second SWAT team was dispatched, along with a second helicopter to run down anybody who hadn’t made the prerequisite Greeter’s documentary donation.
Meanwhile, the first SWAT team at the hotel had made some progress. The lone guest, who had refused to checkout was from Gilroy, Calif. Gilroy is the southernmost city in Santa Clara County. It is known as the Garlic Capital of the World. This fact explained previous guest complaints about a bad cologne odor coming from the room. But authorities weren’t taking any chances. They sent in a bomb-sniffing robot to clear the room. The robot outfitted with an IPhone camera mounted on a selfie-stick proceeded to take pictures only of himself, instead of determining, if there was a bad smelling guest present. The robot returned to SWAT handlers wearing a shark tooth necklace and carrying a tray full of garlic flavored ice cream cones.
The handlers held their noses and powered down the stinky robot covered in a face full of garlic ice cream. The SWAT team moved in. And there on the mirror was a note written in melting garlic ice cream, “Gilroy wasn’t here.”
The Indy has learned that Crantz was the first redirected guy. He does bear a striking resemblance to Jack in the Box. According to Ancestry.com, Jack and Crantz trace their roots to the original Ping Pong ball found under a couch from the Ming Dynasty.
