Pet Peeves

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Mark Krantz
By Mark Krantz

^

Prince died and we lost a king. His music contribution was greater than any other. It is said that his unpublished work could produce an album a year for the next 100 years. His fans call the place of this work the vault. I keep my unpublished work in a vault, the toilet. I’m flushed with works, but unable to retrieve them over the next 100 years. My fans are relieved. I’m a pauper next to the Prince.

Prince fought to control the rights to his work. He went so far as to change his name to a symbol to get out from under onerous contractual terms with Warner Bros. The symbol looked like the letter “P” but wasn’t the letter “P.” It is most likely the alchemy symbol for soapstone. It may be a metaphor for turning oneself, your inner soul into gold. The symbol represents change, inspiration and growth. I could use a healthy dose of that. I’ve been mentally stuck in the eighth grade now for 50 years. I still toilet paper trees in double ply to assure a gooey rain absorbent quality that’s difficult to take down. I’ve been able to accomplish more papering than others by going commando.

Drum roll please. My new name is ^. I found it on the computer keyboard. There wasn’t a lot of choice. I didn’t want to be an !. Explanation points are pushy. “You’ll laugh at this sentence or I’ll tickle you to death!!!!!!!! I also rejected @. I couldn’t bear hearing people clamor, “Where’s you at?” This symbol would cause my 12th grade English teacher to rise from the dead and sentence me to the execution of interminable diagramming. I avoided picking the *. This symbol is used in baseball to denote the player with the most home runs, who ran around the bases saying yes to drugs. Not a great role model.

So, my name is ^. It is known as a caret. It is a proofreading mark to indicate where a punctuation mark, word or phrase should be inserted in a document. The term comes from the Latin caret, “it lacks, to lack, to be separated from, or to be free from.” It describes me perfectly, as in, “Pet Peeves is ^. Can’t readers be ^ from?”

Of course, you readers tease. There’s a vault of work still left in me, the new me, ^. I look forward to living down to your expectations. For the few, who are not teasing me and want to be free of ^, then be prepared. I’ll strive to change, inspire and grow for those who appreciate my work, but detractors beware. The old Mark has not entirely gone away. Some old eighth grade habits are hard to break. Check your trees.

TP’d and out.

^ tells the Indy that his wife chose a different name, “___” This symbol represents nothing said or quotable. She thinks husbands are best when quiet.    

 

 

 

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