Divining Water Shtick
I don’t believe in coincidence. I just read two Indy articles. One was “Schools Reject Fee Hikes on New Building.” The other one was “Water District Will Raise Rates.” In each article the number 27 appears. The schools are projecting a 27% rise in student population. The water district confirmed 27% lower water consumption. These figures are the same. Mathematicians tell us figures relate to one another. Albert Einstein discovered the mathematical concept called relativity. Dimwits, who didn’t believe him, received a free poster of him sticking out his tongue. I didn’t get a poster, yet I’m a dimwit. I blame the post office for messing up my delivery. I had to go out and buy the poster. I got the money from my parents. It’s my take on relativity and that went on until I turned 27.
Here’s what happened. Residents drank 27% less water, and that raised their sexual appetite 27%. Now, nine months later we have a student enrollment problem. This is a perfect example of too much government. One hand doesn’t know what the other hand is doing. If that wasn’t bad enough, then the school district compounds matters with a current curriculum that includes a course called, “The Birds & the Bees.” This class instruction has been around for decades. Although core proponents are claiming it’s new. Whole generations have been taught that babies come from birds and bees. Of course, no one actually has witnessed this phenomenon. Whenever scientists get close, they get stung. “Ouch. I can’t breath. Get the Epie pen.”
The bees aren’t happy about human voyeurism. They suffer from colony collapse disorder. This phenomenon happens when the majority of worker bees in a colony disappear to seek privacy. They leave no notes. The queen and skeleton staff is left to wonder what went wrong. The queen isn’t used to working. Honey production goes down. The colony collapses. Crops don’t get pollinated. Good food disappears. School cafeterias resort to junk foods. Kids are sugared out and get fat. They can’t think straight. Students are held back to redo school years until the average graduation year is 27.
There’s that pesky number again. We need to do something. I’m suggesting a free fly belt over Laguna. The city passes an ordinance that makes it illegal to interfere with the birds and the bees. Residents and tourists will be told to look the other way on our wildlife friends and drink more water, instead. The goal is to look the other way 27% more and drink 27% more. I believe, if we all work together, then will get back to the Laguna Beach balance we all love and cherish.
Dimwits, who don’t believe me, then get ready to get a nice poster of me sticking out my tongue at you. And it won’t be free. You’ll have to rely on relativity to pay for the poster and postage.
Crantz tells the Indy that a free fly belt means bags fly free, too. No peeking.
