Acquaintances
I’ve been silent long enough. My wife and I have waited patiently to hear back from the Pageant of the Masters. We anticipated being chosen for the “Partners” production this year. We make a good team. I paint the town red and my wife cleans up after me. Yet we haven’t heard a word or received a swatch from the Pageant Selection Committee.
The Indy reports Lewis and Clark, the Wright Brothers, Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire, Don Quixote and Sancho Panza, Adam and Eve were selected. How did they get in and the Crantzes didn’t? At first blush, I noticed these people are dead and we aren’t. If death is the price of selection, I’ll do it. My wife refuses. She says she’s had enough of me. However, she tossed me a glimmer of hope. If I resubmit the Partner application under the walking dead category, she’s a go. She says our marriage makes her feel like a zombie. Goody, I can do zombie.
Misery loves company. I’ve heard grousing from other Partners not selected. Janet Yellen, Federal Reserve president, and her husband did not get in. Yellen is a paint-by numbers person and her husband assisted. Their work “Prosperity” did not add up. Yellen, who insists on painting in oils, refused her husband’s advice to work in pencil. A do-over was not possible and the Yellens slipped into a severe depression over the rejection.
Johnny Depp and Amber Heard tried to submit a work entitled “Pooches.” Unfortunately, Australian authorities quarantined the dogs before the picture could be done. Heard refused to be denied and tried to photo shop a previous picture done in the United States. The judges recognized the Hello Kitty heads and rejected the fraud. The pooches are now out of quarantine, but Johnny and Amber are being held under mutually exclusive restraining orders.
Chris Martin and Gwenyth Paltrow were desperate to get into this year’s production. Gwenyth thought her and Chris painting “Rocker Solid” was picture perfect. But their marriage hit some bumps after submission. They tried to stretch their marriage by going through de-coupling therapy. The judges saw through the farce and advised the couple to call it a day and move on. When reached for comment over the committee’s snub, Chris and Gywenth raised half a victory sign.
Hope springs eternal. I’m still practicing being a zombie and my wife is trying to find ways to kill me off for good. It’s a partnership that works, without therapy. My wife says she can live with not being selected this year. She suggests from now on, we tell people that we are acquaintances. The marriage we’ll keep to ourselves.
Yeah, we don’t need to grovel for public approval. “Honey, do you think this is a better walk of the living dead?”
Crantz tells the Indy that recreating a zombie walk is difficult when it requires being perfectly still for purposes of the show. He believes he’s pulled it off. Come see for yourself.
