Miracle Workers
What’s my favorite time of year? Hint. Not Christmas. Another hint. Not my birthday. And no readers this isn’t a trick question. Like the answer is Christmas is also my birthday and my favorite time of year is a twofer and I’m the one and only and have come to save the world. I’m not that supreme guy. I can’t walk on water and I can’t get the village entrance opened. That’s miracle stuff. Okay no more guessing. Drumroll please. My favorite time of year is right now when residents declare their intentions to run for city office positions. These people are miracles unto themselves. Well, St. Bernard’s at least.
Who would do this? I look at candidate pictures and try to divine the trait I lack when I look in the mirror. You know that invisible DNA thingie that screams I want to serve my fellow man and make things better. When I think I catch a glimpse of this trait in the mirror, I break myself up because I realize I’ve just passed gas and made myself run to a better and less stinky place than what, well, me. Most people agree. Sure they say run. Anywhere, not near us. I seem to serve the greater good by staying away. No one would vote for me, a candidate, who gives off methane gas and adds to global warming. I’m just politically incorrect.
Four residents have recently announced their intentions to run for city offices. One position is for city clerk. This office intrigues me. Who wants to be a clerk? Do you wake up one morning and say I must be a clerk? Nothing will stop me until I become a clerk. And what position did the person hold before setting the goal to become a clerk? “I’m sick of being an apprentice assistant clerk. I want the real thing. I deserve respect and admiration.” And then worse comes to worse. You run for city clerk and lose. “Nobody wants me to be a clerk. My life is such a waste. I’ll have to start over as an earthworm.”
Candidates have one thing in common. They all sound really good. I have trouble picking out a favorite. They have smarts, experience and want the best for me. Who wouldn’t vote for all of them? But of course, you must pick just one. So, I resort to a true and tested polling method. I pick a daisy from my neighbor’s yard and say, “This candidate loves me, this candidate doesn’t.” Until ultimately I find the right clerk for me. This selection process is accurate within 5% plus or minus the neighbor calling the police to arrest me for property destruction and vandalism.
My neighbor can be such an earthworm. I’d never vote for him to be city clerk.
Crantz tells the Indy that he’s still deciding if he’ll run for a city office position. The Indy had to take his announcement up wind and explained to Crantz that all city positions don’t come with a free Laguna house.
