Elephants in the Room
I’ve been glued to my TV set ever since I cut the cable. It was a bold move to go back to bygone days of rabbit ears. The retro fit had its difficulties. My rabbit ears needed to be glued back to its TV base and I got in the way. The glue bonded fast. My TV and I are closer than ever. I’m just relieved that my Mom can’t see how close I’m sitting to watch the Republication National Convention. I missed the snow. It’s pretty so close up.
For Lagunans, who were out and about and not glued to their TVs, then let me report the highlights. The Convention was held in Cleveland. Security was tight. Law enforcement was everywhere, even patrolling Lake Erie and the Cuyahoga River. This was the first convention in recent memory when the river was not on fire. Commentators were more surprised that litigation related to the fire was put out, as well. The International Maritime Court in Hague, Netherlands, ruled that the Cuyahoga is now a tributary of the South China Sea and belongs to China. The ruling came as a surprise to the cast of “Hot in Cleveland.” Betty White responded to the ruling. “I dated all the Chins in the phone book. They are wonderful and passionate people. Our waterways are in good hands. I know from experience.”
The convention was held in the Quicken Loans Arena. President-Apprentice Trump arranged the loan to pay for the convention. In a bold stroke of gamesmanship, Trump then went out to his Trump National Doral Country Club and sunk a hole in one that forced Quicken Loans to honor their national promotion and pay for the loan for one year. Quicken Loans retaliated by making a backroom deal with Hillary Clinton, a candidate known for putting together deals by email server and never on a golf course. Clinton welcomed the secret endorsement by emailing everyone the great foundation news.
The convention was tight on security. A wall was built around it. The Donald christened it the Great Wall of Trump and proclaimed it was longer, taller and older than the Great Wall of China and Betty White. Betty White was pleased with the attention. The Chinese government challenged the claim by lodging a formal complaint with the Freemason Society. “Our members built both. We find ourselves in the difficult position to pick one of our projects over the other. As is our way, we have hidden our response and given the clue to finding it with Nicholas Cage of “National Treasure.” In cinematic time, about 90 minutes, you’ll have our decision.”
I was mesmerized by the proceedings and delighted to find many elephants in the room. It is indeed a glorious time for America. People from the left, people from the right, people from the center have all come together to proclaim “Make America Great Again.” A Chinese official, who was busy looking for wall clues at Mount Rushmore, summed it up. “We were more than happy to supply the hats and badges.”
Crantz tells the Indy that he is happy to be back to rabbit ears and plans to tell readers in next week’s column how to use tin foil for better reception.
