Pot Luck
Hey man. Want to smoke weed? Hey man. Got a roach clip? Hey man. You deaf? Hey man. Who’s talking? Oh, I’m talking. What’s my question, again?
The November pot initiative could be difficult to attain. Let me show you. “George, how many months have 28 days?” George sucks in a lungful and lets out an answer. “Don’t know. Don’t care.” I give him a moment. “Easy George. This isn’t a test. How many months have 28 days?” George looks up for the answer and smiles. “February.” I hand back the joint. “Nice try. Got one of them. All the months have 28 days, George. Have another hit for inspiration.”
I don’t have a lot of experience with marijuana. Sure, I experimented with it in college. A lot of my friends did it. We’d pass a joint. Look at each other. Giggle. Eat. Doze off. Wake up. Feel fine. Blow off class. Toke up again. Run out. Call home. Get money from parents. Over and over, until one day I realized I liked beer better.
I admit beer is a high, too. But there are differences. I can say with beer, sure I’ve tried it and never inhaled. You know it’s true because I’m not drowned. And the second difference, beer packs a wallop of a hangover. And that’s why I like it. Nobody including me should have that much fun the night before without punishment attached. Hangovers are internal parents. They’re there to scold you. Mornings are timeouts to think about how your life is spiraling down the drain. Literally.
Two aspirin later, I’m back to look at this pot initiative. There are several choices coming. Initiative One is petition driven and will appear on the November ballot. The city council responded. “Police open up. Reefers in the air. Don’t inhale for the next several months while we get our own city initiative sorted out.” The City Council is unhappy with the voter inspired initiative because the originators of the petition would run the medical marijuana dispensaries.
Rumors are swirling in a purple haze that the petition driven initiative wants to run the dispensary from the vacant movie house. Supporters are planning to open in time for the first scramble crosswalks suggested by MIG, the city’s urban consultants. One pot supporter explained. “It will be cool dude when everybody is stoned out of their minds dude. What a blast it will be, when the walk sign appears in all directions at once. Boom, scrambled eggs is what will happen dude. Geez, I’ve gave myself the munchies just thinking about it.” The City Council instructed staff to tighten up the operating and location qualifications in its initiative compared to the petition driven one.
Residents in the know tell me that there is likely to be more initiatives added before our grandparents can toke up in town for medicinal purposes only. Until then, seniors are directed to get behind the wheel, put their left turn signal on, place one foot on the gas, put the other foot on the brake, and step on it.
For the rest of us, it’s potluck at the crosswalks. Be careful out there.
Crantz tells the Indy that he’s sticking with beer. His wife says he isn’t.
