Pet Peeves: Making the Grade

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By Mark D. Crantz

The school district is revisiting a 2016 decision to unweight grades. Some parents and students question the school district’s course structure alignment to UC standards, when only 13 percent of LBHS graduates choose to attend UC schools. One concerned parent explains, “This decision forced me to photoshop my child’s head on a wrestler’s body. He’s been taken down every day since matriculation. He suffers now from Pinned Traumatic Stress Syndrome.”

Before the un-weighted grade realignment, students could receive extra grade credit for honor classes. “It doesn’t make sense,” says a frustrated parent. “I have one child who takes AP Honor English class and another child who takes regular English class. The AP child is my favorite because he listens to me when I tell him what to do. The other one says I’m not speaking English. Yet both kids get the same grade, 4.0. Honestly, the school district is doing a disservice to both. I’m at my wits end. I just dropped of the wild child at the fire station.”

There’s more than one way to make the grade. I was an expert at finding ducks. These classes were the easy ones. You didn’t need to attend class or take tests to embarrass yourself on how little you learned. You were graded “pass” or “fail.” That’s the economic translation of, “We received your tuition. Your check cleared. Pass.”

My parents never got frustrated with higher education. They stayed the course and paid off my student loan. I was shocked to learn that it took an additional 30 years after my graduation. Wow. It was a valuable life lesson. I felt awful. Nobody should pay that much, even if, my ducks were in a row.

I’m not sure everyone needs to be college bound. Looking back at it, I have to say my brother made out better than me. He was the one dropped off at the fire station. Sure, he pretended not to understand English, but he has become quite “a…fluent.” Last year, he left the fire station with a $200,000 pension, whereas, I’m still working to pay off my children’s college loans. I look forward to passing down to my children that valuable 30-year life lesson my parents taught me.

I think the kids are doing well. They don’t write or call home. But, I’m not worried. I received a note from the school that said, “We received your tuition. Your check cleared. Pass.”

Crantz tells the Indy that he photoshopped his head onto Jeff Bezos’ body. His children’s student loans have been paid in full.

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